Fic for Inyx-sama

[tj_dragonblade]

Title: All He Needs Now is an Icha Icha Book. And Maybe Some Clothes.
Author: TJ Dragonblade
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Pairing: 2x5x2
Rated: Ehh...15+
Genre: Humor. Crack!fic.
Warnings: Dialogue-fic. Yaoi. Language. Cross-fandom contamination. A little crack, a little smut, and probably a little sap as well. Experimental and un-beta'd and banking heavily on my casual acquaintance with Naruto, so familiarity on that count will be helpful in the reading. Bonus points for getting the passing FMA joke that insisted on including itself.

Setting: Generically Preventers era, near Halloween
Summary: What if Duo had a cosplay kink?

Notes: Inyx-sama was bored at work Wednesday. She caught me on gmail. This whole bloody thing is entirely her fault. *blows a kiss* For you, Babe.


=========

"...Duo."

"...Yeah?"

"What are you hiding behind your back?"

"Um...nothing?"

"Maxwell. I am neither blind nor stupid, thank you."

"Okay, fine. Here."

"...White hair color."

"Light grey, actually."

"...This is Trowa's hair gel, is it not?"

"Yep."

"A costume contact lens, and scar putty."

"Yep."

"And a Naruto headband."

"Yep."

"...No."

"Wha?"

"No."

"But Fei--"

"NO."

"Aw, come ON! Why not?"

"I do not dress up for parties. I don't care how much you have wagered Sally; you will not get me costumed in public!"

"Aren't you forgettin' about--"

"Ever again!"

"Sheesh. Ya don't hafta yell."

"Nor do you have to devise innovative new ways to amuse yourself at my expense, yet you continually do so!"

"...I wasn't trying to embarrass you, Fei. I just thought it'd look good on you. I mean yeah, you're a little short to pull it off, but you've totally got the body for it."

"Short??"

"And built! Don't forget built! Jesus, calm down, okay?? It's not like I asked you to cosplay Ed Elric! God!"

"...Why me? Have I offended some deity in a prior lifetime? Honestly."

"..."

"Stop pouting, Duo. I am calm now, see?"

"..."

"...What?"

"...If it's really such a blow to your dignity, Fei, I'll drop it. The Preventers' Halloween party can survive without a petite Kakashi-sensei."

"...How much do you lose on the bet, if I do not?"

"No wager. Not this time."

"Riiiiight."

"Honest, Fei! Sally wanted to bet me that you wouldn't, sure, but I didn't take her up on it!"

"...Really."

"I don't lie, Fei. You know that."

"...Really?"

"Yes, really."

"...You are not trying to get me into costume for the sake of winning a bet."

"How many times do I have to say 'NO'?"

"...I see. I apologize, then, for yelling at you."

"S'ok."

"...You really wanted to see me dressed up?"

"Yeah."

"Just for the sake of it."

"Yeah."

"Then...gah. I do not believe I'm saying this."

"What?"

"If it means that much to you, I will swallow my pride."

"Really??"

"I will be terrible at acting the part. But I will do it. For you. Just this ONCE, do you hear me?"

"Sir, yes sir! I hear you loud and clear!"

"The things I do...of all the...feh. Are we starting with the dye?"

"The party's not 'til Saturday."

"I assume you will need to practice at least once to get it right, will you not?"

"Ooh. Good thinking. Now?"

"I may as well get it over with."

"..."

"...Stop grinning like an idiot and give me the thrice-damned haircolor."


~~~*~~~
"Okay. Eye's in. Scar looks good. We'll worry about the headband later. Hair's good and grey--"

"It still looks white to me."

"Either way, it's one of the more important features so let's get it up and get it right."

"You do it."

"Here, gimme the gel."

"..."

"God, this stuff feels...weird."

"Is that enough?"

"Trowa says it doesn't take much. Swears by it."

"Hn."

"And up we go!"

"...Good lord."

"Hee."

"It...it really does defy gravity."

"You doubted? After how many years lookin' at Tro-bot's 'do?"

"...Where does he find this?"

"He wouldn't tell. And we can't use all of it either, or he'll be--quote--'a bit upset'."

"...You told him what you planned to do."

"I asked if I could use it. I didn't tell him what for. I do have a little tact, Fei."

"Merciful Guan Yin, this humble person thanks you profusely for your small blessings."

"You're welcome."

"I was not talking to you."

"Mmh."

"Are you finished yet?"

"Mmh. Uh-uh. Needs to come this way a little more...this bit should stick out a little...this needs to swirl that way a bit...there. All done. Mirror?"

"If I must."

"Here."

"..."

"Eh?"

"...I will admit, you do good work."

"Damn straight. Gimme a cool, laid-back imposing stare."

"..."

"...Oh, god you look hot."

"...Hn."

"Hee. Is that a blush, Kakashi-sensei?"

"...Where is the rest of the costume?"

"...The what?"

"The rest of the costume? Mask? Shirt? Vest? Oh, say, pants, perhaps?"

"Ah. Yeah. I didn't bother to pick up any of that."

"You...what?"

"I didn't figure you'd need it."

"...Gods, Maxwell--"

"What? I knew it'd look good on you, and I didn't figure we'd ever really make it past the bedroom--"

"...You--"

"...ulp?"

"Of all the..."

"Ooooh, lord. Towel-clad Kakashi-sensei stalking toward me in righteous fury--I think I'm gonna cream myself!"

"You--"

"...God!"

"--insufferable--"

"Nnnhh--"

"--little--"

"--uh huh--"

"...You truly are getting off on this, aren't you."

"Hell yeah. This is so fucking hot."

"..."

"...Um. Fei?"

"...I warn you, Duo. Kakashi-sensei is a master of the bedroom arts, and knows all manner of 'jutsu' that I very much doubt a young genin like yourself is ready to experience."

"Oh, fuck me--"

"Indeed."

"I wasn't kiddin' about creamin' my pants, Fei--"

"Call me Sensei, Duo."

"Yes Sensoh god. Oh god don't touch me Fei I'm--oh--! Ohgod ohgod ohgod--! Oh, shiiiiiit."

"..."

"..."

"...Well. I see the first order of training for you is stamina."

"...Shut...shut up. I couldn't help...couldn't help it. Damn you!"

"Damn me?"

"I didn't want it to be over that fast!"

"Do you honestly mean to tell me that faced with this--"

"Ohmygodtowel--"

"--you still find yourself uninspired to repeat your ever so impressive performance?"

"...Fuck you. Just gimme a second."

"I knew you had it in you. You make your Sensei proud, Duo."

"Unh."

"..."

"..."

"...God, you taste good. I love kissing you."

"Mmh."

"..."

"Mmh. Duo."

"Nnh?"

"Kakashi-sensei would like to have you in his bed."

"But...Sensei, is that proper?"

"Mmh. Not...entirely."

"Nnhuh."

"Do you object, my little genin?"

"Hee. Not really. 'Specially since you're already naked."

"..."

"Sensei...what're you--mmh--doing?"

"Your pants are ruined. I am removing them for you."

"What a very convenient excuse."

"A genin should not mouth off to his sensei, Duo."

"Ah...sorry?"

"Mmh."

"Still wanna take me to bed?"

"Mm hmm."

"..."

"..."

"You gotta...stop kissing...me first."

"Mm. Mmhmm."

"Or y'could carry me..."

"As you like."

"I was kiddi--yuh? Oh."

"Wrap your legs around me, Duo. I am not so short that I cannot manage."

"...'Kay then."

"You see?"

"Eheh. Take me to bed, Sensei."

"You must learn to respect your instructor, Duo. Say 'please'."

"Nnh. Pleeeaaase?"

"With pleasure."

~~~*~~~
"Unh. Wow."

"..."

"God, Fei. I will never get tired of that."

"...I am exhausted."

"Me, I need a cigarette."

"You do not smoke, Duo."

"Well, duh, Sherlock. That's the point. Take a compliment, you nitwit."

"..."

"..."

"You could have told me to begin with that you did not intend this...ah, 'costume'...for public use."

"...Uhm. Didn't I?"

"...No, Maxwell. You most decidedly did not."

"...Oh."

"Do not think for one second that I will ever believe you are that empty-headed."

"...you distracted me?"

"..."

"Okay, fine, fine, I did it on purpose."

"Well, duh, Sherlock."

"...You said 'duh'."

"I was mimicking you."

"It's cute."

"..."

"Well it is."

"..."

"What?"

"You were confessing."

"I was?"

"..."

"Fine, okay, yeah. I did it on purpose. It's fun to get you all riled up."

"...Oh, really."

"Heheheh. Yep."

"I would be careful about entertaining yourself in such a manner, if I were you."

"Nnh. Why?"

"Because--"

"Oof--you're heavy--"

"--Kakashi-sensei also knows many creative Secret Ninja Forms of Punishment, and he is not at all shy about putting them to use on any cheeky, smart-mouthed genin under his tutelage."

"Ooooh. Promise?"

"Deviant."

"Damn straight. And you wouldn't have it any other way."

"Mmh."

"..."

"..."

"...Ooh. Do that again."

"..."

"Ahh--just like that, yeah--"

"Mmh. Mmhmm..."

"God, you're incredible, baby--"

"Mmh. I know."

"And so humble, too. How'd I ever get so lucky?"

"Duo."

"Nnh?"

"Shut up."

"Yes, Sensei."

~~~*~~~
"You will pick up the rest of the costume before the party tomorrow."

"...I will?"

"You will."

"But I thought--"

"One of the many forms of punishment in which Kakashi-sensei is skilled: Teasing."

"...Do that again."

"What?"

"That jutsu-thing with the hands. It's hot. Especially when you're smirking like that."

"You will pick up the full costume."

"Hell. Yes, Sen--wait. Whaddya mean, 'teasing'?"

"If the incomplete costume is enough to drive you so crazy as you got last night, I can only imagine what the complete costume in a room full of people where you cannot touch me will do..."

"But...Fei-fei, that's evil!"

"Of course. And well worth my pride to find out."

"...You're evil!"

"Of course."

"Oh goddammit."

"Hn."

-----
Written: 9/7/06
Polished: 9/8/06
Posted: 9/9/06

My apologies for the ridiculous title. It's been the one un-cooperative thing about this whole little endeavor.

For the curious, it was a series of comments and conversations and droolings centered around this pic, which is the work of a fanartist by the name of Cheryl Austin, that set things rolling.

Comments

[hemlock-inyx.livejournal.com]

*sqees* Wonderful! And I love how you tossed in the "I'll Never." reference! *paws you with much admiration*

And I am glad you didn't worry about Kakashi's voice that much, it wouldn't have been Wufei otherwise. ^_~

*skips off to re-read*

[tj-dragonblade.livejournal.com]

^_^ I knew you would catch it. And yes, it turned out to be a much better idea to simply have Wufei excuse his inability to get totally into character than to try and have him act the part.

I'm so glad you like it!!

[nightengale.livejournal.com]

...dude. Ngh. This isn't my favorite pairing but I've learned to appreciate it mostly for the fact that it's yet another way for me to get my regular indulgence of Duo. And really it's hard to believe you haven't written them in a while, because the voices don't sound rusty, not one bit.


...*whines and paws heavily at the blindfold you tied so very tightly over her eyes* And it's taking all of my writer's sensibility to remember that all-dialogue fic is a worthwhile and valid form of fiction...

[tj-dragonblade.livejournal.com]

Well, hey, then, thanks especially for reading it! Out of curiosity, what would be your favorite pairing? Somehow I've got you pegged for a 1x2 fan.

I'm really pretty thrilled with the un-rusty-ness myself. It surprised me how easily they came flowing back. And yet I can feel them...tempered, somehow, by the growth I've had as a writer in the years between. It kind of makes me want to do more with them again. Or perhaps at least finish the fics left hanging when I drifted away from the fandom. ^_^;

A point which is wonderfully illustrated by a couple of your own Demon Diary fics, m'dear. ^_^

[nightengale.livejournal.com]

Close, but no cigar. 2x1. Though I -can- appreciate other pairings involving Duo, just for the Duo-ness of them. (Don't get me -near- 2x4 though, I know I'm allergic to it but I don't know why.) After reading Maldoror's Arrangement I went from tolerating 2x5x2 to really understanding the potential there, so if it's to be said that after 2x1 I have any preferences, 2x5 is on that list along with 1x2 and 3x4x3. I specifically list my preference as 2x1 as a proactive action against what tends to happen when Duo bottoms. *hisses*

"Tempered" is a good word - I haven't read your old work, but I actually was looking over my own (god knows why) the other day and reflected on how excessively intense many of the charcters were acting. I suppose it's a trend that can be broadly applied, then, that we learn temperance as writers as we go. (There's a sword metaphor in there somewhere, I'm sure of it...)

Well, flattery aside, yes. But I've never been so evil as to write PORN without VISUALS. *whiiiiiines* You are such a damn tease. ♥

[tj-dragonblade.livejournal.com]

I specifically list my preference as 2x1 as a proactive action against what tends to happen when Duo bottoms.

*glomps* OMG yes. The numerous fanon stereotypes and cliche plot devices grate so harshly against my perception of his character. Granted, it did take me quite awhile to learn to see/appreciate Heero for himself rather than 'Wufei's evil rival', to see past the surface of his personality and all the bad!fic bastardizations, and even longer to make peace with the idea of Heero and Duo as a couple. Part of what helped in both regards was considering the possibility of 2x1 rather than 1x2. To my mind, 2x1 is a much more natural 'outcome' of matching up their personalities and character dynamics. Duo has always struck me as a more natural top than bottom. Of course as any relationship progresses, I like to see it evolve to where either partner will take either position as a matter of course; it feels more equal and thus somehow more healthy. But generally speaking, and as far as establishing a relationship, and in the interest of avoiding bad fanon stereotypes? I'd much rather see Duo top. And you're one of a very few people I've come across who have also expressed that preference.

I was a hardcore-obsessive 2x5x2 fan for quite awhile, wanted nothing to do with any other pairings really. Horizons expanded with time. By now I'm a fan of 2x3x5 in any combination of two or three, 3x4x3's not bad when you can get a good writer on it, I'm fond of 1x4x1 and 3x1x3 as well - and in fact, I'll read Trowa paired with just about anyone, oddly enough, including the girls. I've never been able to cultivate a taste for 2x4 - despite my opinion that best friends often do make the best lovers *cough*GojyoHakkai*cough*, sometimes friends are just friends and nothing more. Even in the world of yaoi. ^_^ 13x5 will send me screaming for cover 99 times out of 100 and never mind my age-gap kink. *shudders*

And like I said - I've learned to admit that 1x2 has its place, and have even read a couple that I rather enjoyed. But my interest level perks up quite a bit more at the idea of 2x1.

(There's a sword metaphor in there somewhere, I'm sure of it...)

Hee. Indeed.

It's sometimes hard to remember, though, especially to the perfectionistic mind, that it's okay to leave earlier things alone, to let them stand as written, as posted; to take them with a grain of salt and accept their value as a yardstick for progress made. I look at old works, and go 'Ugh, god, I need to clean that up'. Or 'Oh, my god, I threw in every cliche in the book I'm so embarrassed why did I ever post that???' Y'know?

Ahh. Well. I'd apologize, but I somehow doubt you'd believe my sincerity. ♥

The dialogue-only is strangely liberating, though, somehow. And I'm positive that it's the only reason this fic wrote so fast.

[nightengale.livejournal.com]

Took me a while, but I'm back to wrap up our conversation ♥

it did take me quite awhile to learn to see/appreciate Heero for himself rather than 'Wufei's evil rival', to see past the surface of his personality and all the bad!fic bastardizations, and even longer to make peace

aahaha. Switch out "Wufei" and "Heero" and you get what *I* had to do! But we both did, and now we can hold a civil conversation with each other about it. :D (Yay for not being GW fanon asshats!)

as far as establishing a relationship, and in the interest of avoiding bad fanon stereotypes? I'd much rather see Duo top

Yeah. Big fat yes. Not only to keep Duo IC, but also for Heero's sake. "Perfect Soldier" he may be, but nowhere in the definition of 'soldier' does 'lover' or 'affection' come into play. His canon Gary Stu-ness only extends to combat. In realms of affection, it's Duo with more experience, Duo with more creativity, Duo with more initiative, Duo with less denial of the importance of non-essential-for-life things. (And then consider that Heero's NOT a Perfect Soldier, and IS capable, just CRIPPLED, in terms of emotion, and - ARRRRRGH)

*cough* Ah. My point is, 1x2 is really only safe from itself and from fandom when it comes later in a solid 2x1 relationship. 2x1 has a much better chance of drawing the lines and the boundaries where they belong. 1x2....has no chance.

despite my opinion that best friends often do make the best lovers *cough*GojyoHakkai*cough*, sometimes friends are just friends and nothing more.

This being my PRECISE problem with 2x4x2 too.

'Ugh, god, I need to clean that up'

I DO THAT ALL THE TIME OMG. Mostly with my original stuff; my fanfic doesn't inspire me to go -back- and edit it. (I will revise the CRAP out of it at time of posting, but after a week, it's set in stone in my mind. Besides - original deserves more of my time, I think.)

Fuck no, I wouldn't believe you for a second. XD

IT IS, isn't it??? ♥ for dialogue sooo hard. It's really - it's not even script-style, because even -that- gives you more explicit information than dialogue-only. With dialogue only...it's because it *asks* for implication, I think, depends on it, and implying things is the beeeeeeeest way to go about it.


(PS: I LOVE the dragon pic you sent me. :D Didn't get a chance to say so earlier. Thanks so much~)

[zalia.livejournal.com]

:D

*dies laughing*

Oh, that was fantastic TJ!!! *grins* Wufei dressed as Kakashi ^^

Loved it so much!!!

[tj-dragonblade.livejournal.com]

Hee! Thanks! I hoped it would be as funny as it felt in the writing. It's all Inyx-sama's fault, really. Her idea. The boys just came back and ran with it. ^_^

[thewarriorkai.livejournal.com]

*GRINS* Oh that was just SOOOOOO awesome! I loved it. I'm so very glad that you were convinced to write that. Thanks for posting the link on the ML!

[tj-dragonblade.livejournal.com]

Heee. Thanks for reading! It was fun to write, especially after so long away, so I'm glad it made a fun read too. Thanks for the comment!

wow!

[mony-chan.livejournal.com]

FeiFei can tease! hahaha (〃￣ω￣〃ゞ
and after seeing the pic I really get the idea!
(〃ω 〃)

Re: wow!

[tj-dragonblade.livejournal.com]

^_^ Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you enjoyed the fic!

[rochan01.livejournal.com]

Wheee! That was fun. Thanks for sharing. :-)

I don't think you've lost your touch with either of these characters. I particularly like the way you write this Wufei - still very much himself but relaxed a bit with maturity and contact with Duo, and able to tease back and participate in the game.

that's one heck of a piece of fanart, too *grin*

[tj-dragonblade.livejournal.com]

Hee. Thanks for reading!

I've got a deep-rooted love for Wufei that hasn't gone away, even if it has taken a backseat to newer loves. I've always been very particular about how he's characterized, so I'm glad you like the way I write him. Thanks so much for the compliment!

*grins* Yes, isn't it though? ^_^

Love the icon, too. ^_^

[dogmatix-san.livejournal.com]

*rolls around laughing* Ohhhh wow. Way to go Wufei! He really does have a sadistic streak(and, y'know masochistic too, but that's not as much fun).

[tj-dragonblade.livejournal.com]

Heh. Yes, I find a lot more joy in the sadism than the masochism, myself. Although I do have characters who'd disagree with me. ^_^;

Anyway. Thanks so much for the comment! It was a fun little experimental thing to write, and I'm glad that you got a kick out of it as well!

[traisce.livejournal.com]

"Merciful Quan Yin, this humble person thanks you profusely for your small blessings."

Point: The buddha you're referring to is named Guan yin... not the same at all...

That said, this was Hot! Love. :)

[tj-dragonblade.livejournal.com]

...whoops. Thank you! Teach me to forget to look things up, that. I do wonder, now, where I got the notion that it was a Q that was alternate to the 'Kw' spellings...

[traisce.livejournal.com]

ahaha... no prob. :) I speak chinese so I know these things... I've been a fan of your GW fics (read them on raygun works), excellent work as usual... Though I do have some hang ups about the words you're using for wufei's endearments and swearing - I won't go into them here unless you want me to PM you about it... Aside from that, I love your smex! :) <3

[pfmoi.livejournal.com]

I love your icon with a fierce passion. It took me ten minutes to read it all, but there is SO much love in my heart for it.

[pfmoi.livejournal.com]

This fic was cracky and delicious. It amuses the hell out of me. :3

[tj-dragonblade.livejournal.com]

Heh. Glad it amuses. ^_^ It was a lot of fun to write these two again, even if only in dialogue, after a couple years of writing Saiyuki. It really helped to temper their voices and smooth them out from the sort of over-sappy trite-cliched stuff I turned out while I was active in GW fandom.

Lately, I find myself really wanting to write these guys again, too. I've got a couple half-started things from back in the day that I never finished that want some attention, and at least one new idea that banks heavily on Saiyuki Gaiden character dynamics that really wants to get written. So maybe something will come of it. Someday. ^_^;

In any event, thanks for reading and leaving a comment! I appreciate it. ^_^