Excerpts Meme
Jan. 26th, 2012 08:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tj_dragonbladeSince the final week here of January marks the anniversary of my discovery of YamaSai, it is apparently time once again to re-visit that old meme wherein one posts a sentence or a snippet from any/all works in progress. Because holy sh*t but I've been productive this year, more-so than any other single year since I started ficcing (in quantity of fics finished/posted, anyway; in terms of word count, I'm at least rivaling the productivity of my newbie days ten+ years ago) and yet, despite all that I've managed to put out, I still find myself with a heavily-loaded WIP folder, without even considering the things I haven't started yet or all the sitting-idle pieces from previous/other fandoms.
Speaking of. Had a mental sit-down with myself and said, 'Look. Really. Be honest with yourself. What are the odds you're ever really going to Do Something with the fics that were started back in 2002? 2005?' And I argued, and pointed to finished things that took me five years or more to wrap up. To which I conceded that yes, it's entirely possible that one day I will actually hit the right combination of time/interest/inspiration to breathe life back into the old plot bunnies, but it's not likely to be soon. Regardless, all of them have appeared on prior postings of this meme (some on all the prior postings), and there's really nothing new for snippeting at this point. So.
Naruto only this year, then. Even if a couple of the not-quite-as-old-as-the-others Saiyuki fics are starting to call to me again.
~~~~***~~~
[title undecided], a Gaara-centric fairytale originally conceived as a LeeGaa 'Beauty and the Beast' adaptation; by now, it will be a fairytale account of Gaara's life that will either stay gen or, more likely, turn NaruGaa. In progress since Feb 10 2009.
The original title for this was 'The Beastly Beauty and the Beautiful Beast', which is a story I still want to write, but it will totally be GaiKaka now if I do.
-
"Why, Uncle?" cried the prince, clutching at his aching heart, and this time his tears flowed unchecked. "You said it wouldn't hurt, if I had love; you said that you love me!"
"I tried," answered the queen's brother, with the same kind sad smile. "I tried, so hard, but how could I love you? You are a curse. You took my dear sister from me. I hate you more than anyone." And he died.
Something broke inside of the prince then, that the only affection he had ever known was a lie, a lie! He screamed a terrible scream, his soul twisting in despair, and he wept his rage and betrayal while the sands howled and stormed protecively around him and madness rose swift and overpowering behind his eyes. The demon in his head laughed and laughed, and he embraced it with bitter joy.
"If there are none in this world who love me, then I will give love to myself," he declared, and the demon grinned. "I shall love only myself. I shall live for only myself!"
"Yes, yes," hissed the demon, and the sand carved the mark for 'Love' into the skin of the prince's face above his left eye.
~*~
[title undecided], wherein Yamato thinks his attraction to Sai inappropriate, Sai thinks his attraction to Yamato worth exploring, and alcohol is a convenient enabler; YamaSai. In progress since Jan 28 2011.
The first YamaSai fic I started, and consequently the one that's undergone the most evolution of character and revision forplot er, premise-for-porn to match evolving understanding of character. Still need to figure out how to end this thing, and rewrite/revise the last section, and a title would be stellar.
**Part 1**
-
His head is spinning, and it's not entirely to blame on the alcohol. Trying to pull himself together, he searches desperately for the words--any words--that will put him back in control.
"Sai--" That won't do it, not when he can hear the need thick and vibrant in his own voice. He tries again. "Are you sure you're not drunk?"
Sai is still holding him with that depthless gaze, dark and promising; he leans in, closer, and the scent of him--steel and ink and ricepaper and leftover sunlight caught deep in the black of his hair--makes Yamato's head reel as it fills his senses, close and warm and enveloping.
"Yamato-taichou," Sai breathes again, hardly more than a whisper, "I'm not drunk." His lips are barely brushing the ridges of Yamato's ear as he speaks, intimate and electric. "I want to have sex with you."
It's close enough to what Yamato has imagined--deep in the night when he's tired enough and alone enough to let himself imagine things--that arousal flares hot and wild in his gut and he realizes with giddy dismay that he's not going to say no.
Sai's hand in his hair moves down the back of his neck, fingertips sending little jolts of warmth against his scalp as they withdraw, and around to toy with the corner of his face guard; Sai's other hand has a light grip on his shoulder. "You look at me, watch me, all the time," Sai murmurs, still torturously close to his ear. "You are very subtle about it, but once I noticed, I started to wonder why." His body heaves slightly with a short breath, and he turns his face so that his words are nearly lost in the collar of Yamato's flak vest. "I have done some research, and I'm fairly certain that this is one of several 'tells' you exhibit that indicates a sexual attraction to me." He draws back, just a little, just enough to catch Yamato's gaze. "Or have I interpreted things incorrectly again?"
Yamato stares at him, at the fragile uncertainty underneath his placid expression, and the last of his ragged defenses fail. "God, no," he breathes, desire surging warmly in his chest, and kisses Sai again.
-
**Part 2**
-
It occurs to Yamato then, with Sai's cock in his mouth and Sai's eyes boring into his, that this sort of activity was probably not encouraged in Root, and that Sai hasn't really been on the outside all that long by comparison.
His brain chooses then to remind him that Sai had kissed like he didn't quite know what he was doing, also; Yamato slides his mouth off of Sai with a long languid lick and draws back to ask what he probably should have asked in the beginning.
"Sai, have you ever...well, done this before? Any of this?"
He's sure he knows what the answer will be even before Sai says it.
"No, but I have read many books on the subject. I'm fairly certain that I know what I should expect."
Of course. Yamato gives himself a mental slap to the forehead for not realizing it sooner. Hell, Sai's entire ambush tonight--the kissing, the touching, the climbing-in-Yamato's-lap and the whispering-in-Yamato's-ear and such--had all probably been picked out of some book or other; Sai uses little else as a frame of reference for interpersonal behavior of any sort.
But at least that answers the question of why Sai has propositioned him tonight; he's ready to move from research to practical application and, on account of those 'tells' he'd mentioned, deduced that Yamato would be willing to assist.
"Okay. I'll take it slow, and you tell me if I do anything that surprises you, alright?"
"Yes, Taichou."
Responsibility for Sai's virginity settles heavy on his shoulders, along with a soft thrill at the idea that Sai has come to him for this, not anyone else.
There's that snide little voice in his head again suggesting that Sai's first time shouldn't be with his somewhat-drunken squad captain who's nearly ten years his senior, but the cocktail of alcohol and arousal in Yamato's blood makes it blessedly easy to ignore. Part of him suspects that voice will come back to haunt him when he's sober, but right now all that matters is doing whatever Sai wants, because Sai wants it.
He licks another line up Sai's cock and murmurs, "Hand me the lube."
-
**Part 3** which still needs such massive revision and may, depending on length and tone once re-written, be turned into a sequel instead
-
Yamato opens his mouth, not sure quite what he's going to say--he hasn't even broached the topic of discretion yet with Sai and how much they should reveal to the rest of the team--but it's just become a moot point because Sai is already moving.
Currently wearing nothing but his pants, Sai opens the door.
"It's alright, Naruto," he says, and Yamato can hear that he's practicing his cheerful smile as he says it. "I slept here with Yamato-taichou last night."
Naruto is caught up short in the doorway, gaping; his eyes dart from Sai's placid semi-nakedness to Yamato's barely-adequate towel and back to the random pattern of lovebites around Sai's throat, and then his face scrunches up like he's eaten something very unpleasant.
"Aw, geez, you guys!" he wails, hands waving in front of him spastically as if to ward off the revelation. "I didn't want to know!"
"But Naruto, do you not remember our conversation--"
"Agh, of course I do--it's not like I could forget it!" Judging by his tone and his haste to interrupt, Naruto has tried very hard to do so anyway. "But talking to you about it is totally different than seeing--you, and his--" He gestures hysterically in a way obviously meant to indicate Yamato's state of undress. His face is turning rather red and he's studiously not looking at the patchwork of bruises along Sai's neck. "I don't need details, y'know?"
Yamato steps in before Sai can start puzzling over what 'details' Naruto means. "We'll meet you and Sakura downstairs in fifteen minutes," he says, and Naruto shoots him a look half grateful and half freaked out.
"Right," he says, and is off down the hall in an instant.
Sai closes the door and turns to Yamato, and his slight frown has a quizzical air about it.
"I don't understand."
~*~
Moonlight, wherein Yamato and Sai bond after a mission that didn't go smoothly; mildly YamaSai. In progress since Feb 11 2011.
-
The snow has stopped falling and the clouds have cleared, leaving the sky velvet-black and the landscape bright and sparkling under the gibbous curve of the barely-waning moon; Yamato thinks with a sharp surge of bitterness that it's not right for the world to look so clean, so pure, when it's anything but.
There's a soft noise behind him on the porch and Yamato turns slightly, tilts his head back as Sai comes to stand over him, gazing down at him impassively from above the collar of his inclement-weather cloak.
"It's my turn for watch, Yamato-taichou."
"Mmh." Yamato tips his head forward again and slides over, leaving room for Sai to sit beside him if he wants; it's half invitation and half stalling, as his mind is still far too active to turn in just yet.
Sai stands motionless another heartbeat or two, then moves soundlessly forward and seats himself on the step next to Yamato.
Silence passes between them for a handful of minutes; their breath clouds softly in the still air, visible for mere seconds before it vanishes into nothingness.
"You don't seem yourself this evening, Taichou," Sai says at last.
"I suppose I'm not, entirely," Yamato returns, and he can hear the touch of weariness in his own voice.
~*~
Steam, wherein Sai begins to realize certain things while he and Yamato are alone in the sauna; YamaSai. In progress since Feb 24 2011.
-
"I don't understand. If I am sexually attracted to you, and you are sexually attracted to me, then why shouldn't we do the things that people who share a sexual attraction usually do?" He places a hand on Yamato's thigh as he speaks, acting on his earlier thoughts of touching Yamato, and the warm damp skin beneath his palm sets his pulse throbbing in his ears.
It is strange, still, but not unpleasant.
Yamato makes that strangled noise again and puts his hand over Sai's, fingers gripping tight around Sai's wrist, and the excitement in Sai's stomach increases at the touch.
"God, Sai--" Yamato swallows, thickly, and Sai watches the movement of his throat with fascination. "We shouldn't--"
He's no longer saying 'we can't', Sai notes, and decides that it's an improvement in his favor. "Why shouldn't we, Taichou?"
Yamato draws in a very deep breath. "I'm several years older than you, for starters."
Sai blinks. "Does that matter?"
He's only seeking clarification--he truly doesn't know--but Yamato appears to take it as a valid refuting of his reasoning. "Er. Well. I also frequently serve as your squad captain, which makes it inappropriate." His fingers twitch against Sai's wrist.
People have so many notions about what's appropriate and what's not; Sai tries his best but wonders if he'll ever be able to grasp them all. "I don't understand," he repeats, and remembers to furrow his brow and frown a little so his expression conveys that he's perplexed. "Why is it inappropriate?"
~*~
[tentative title] Object Lesson, wherein Yamato's inner pervert has some very particular ideas about how to help Sai put names to the emotions that go with sex; YamaSai. In progress since Mar 19 2011.
This is karmic retaliation for all the times I've talked about being uber-vanilla when it comes to common garden-variety kinks, I just know it. >_<
-
"Tell me what you're feeling, now," he commanded gently.
Sai squirmed, just a little. "I...it...your voice is making me aroused, more aroused, and it--it's like impatience, but more--I don't know how to say it--" His breath caught as Yamato drew a single fingertip down from his navel and circled around the base of his erection.
"Mmmmm." Yamato drew out the sound, low and intimate, and rubbed his cheek sensually over Sai's hipbone. "Try. For me."
Sai sucked in a deep breath, shivering, and his cock twitched.
"I...it's...you aren't touching my penis," he finally said, and tugged marginally at the wooden tendrils binding his wrists. "I would touch it myself if my hands were free."
There was a hint of rawness underneath Sai's voice bespeaking urgency and unsatisfied want, and Yamato gave his thigh a gentle squeeze, arousal and self-conscious excitement mixing hot in the pit of his own belly.
"That's frustration, there; it's when you want something--" he blew a soft stream of breath across the tip of Sai's erection, wet with pre-ejaculate "--but you can't quite make it happen."
Sai's breath caught, and his hips jerked, and he pulled a little harder at his restraints, at Yamato's technique holding him helpless. "I don't think I like frustration. Yamato--"
But Yamato was already moving, shifting position and ducking his head to lick up the underside of Sai's cock.
The sound that Sai made, short and low and needy and sort of caught back in his throat, went straight to Yamato's aching dick; Sai didn't do involuntary noises, as a general rule, and getting one out of him never failed to boost Yamato's ego substantially.
~*~
Fireworks, wherein Yamato and Sai have a new beginning at the end of the war; YamaSai. In progress since Mar 21 2011.
Will be fifth in the Mundane Romance series if I write the third/fourth installments.
-
"Why do you close your eyes when we kiss?"
"...Well, it's kind of customary, I guess. There isn't really a whole lot to see that close, so they might as well be closed, and it probably heightens the other senses a little too, since kissing is more about touch and feel than anything else."
"Ah." Sai looks thoughtful, and Yamato leans down into him again as another volley of fireworks bursts overhead.
"Close your eyes, Sai," he murmurs, very close to Sai's mouth, and waits until Sai's lashes have fluttered down obediently before kissing him again. He takes his time about it, savoring the gentle touch and press of lips, stroking the pad of his thumb lightly back and forth over the corner of Sai's jaw.
"Oh," says Sai, when the kiss is finished. "I think I understand now."
Yamato smiles. "Well, good." He backs Sai up against the wall, gently, and slips both arms around him, descending on his mouth again. Sai presses close against him, one hand settled flat over Yamato's heart, the other holding warm at the back of his neck.
~*~
[tentative title] The Special Hell, wherein high school shop teacher Yamato fights his attraction to the introverted student who has quietly developed a crush on him; YamaSai + various side-pairings. In progress since Apr 5 2011.
-
He presses his lips to the crown of Sai's head in a gentle, lingering kiss. "You're still my student," he murmurs into Sai's hair, voice ripe with aching apology, and squeezes Sai's shoulders once before letting go. He sucks in a deep breath, scrabbling for the tatters of his self control, and steps back.
"That's...true," Sai says at last, finally moving from the position he'd held against Yamato. His head bows further, dark hair shadowing his face. "I...don't want to get you in trouble." He straightens up, gives Yamato a small apologetic smile over his shoulder. "I should go now."
He's off the stool and out the door before Yamato can say anything.
It takes everything Yamato's got not to go after him.
Yamato braces his hands on the workbench and breathes deep, head down, eyes closed, until the pounding of his heart begins to subside.
The end of the semester is only weeks out, but it feels impossibly far away.
You've made it this far, he tells himself, desperately. You can handle this until Christmas break. And then you'll never have to see him again.
The thought is not the relief it should be, is almost distressing, and Yamato curls one hand into a fist and slams it savagely atop the bench. He's still painfully hard; he spends a long moment silently cursing himself for his weakness, and Sai for being so god-damned appealing, and the world at large for telling them they're wrong to feel the way they do about each other.
He jerks off in the restroom, burning with shame, to the feel of his fingertips sliding over Sai's skin, the smell of Sai's hair, and the silken brush of it beneath his lips.
~*~
Waiting in the Wings, wherein Naruto the violinist and Kakashi his former tutor meet up again at Naruto's debut recital; KakaNaru. In progress since Jul 7 2011.
From a prompt on![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
naruto_meme that I stalled out on when I lost my mojo over the summer. Still want to get back to it, especially as it might tie in to a larger YamaSai AU that I want to write.
-
Kakashi knew he'd been spotted lurking in the shadows backstage the instant Naruto ducked into the wings. Naruto's face split into a huge beaming smile and he quickly wove his way around the other performers, violin still in hand as he made a beeline for his old teacher.
"Kakashi-sensei! You came!"
Kakashi slouched a little more against the wall, hands jammed in the pockets of his suit pants, blazer hanging open, and tried to ignore the way his stomach tightened and fluttered at that brilliant smile. This had been a bad idea, he knew it from the outset, but he couldn't not come all the same.
"Maa, well. I wasn't going to miss your solo debut." Not when you invited me, even though it's been over a year since I taught you--
~*~
Promises, wherein an old ANBU romance is let to fade and then rekindled; KakaYama. In progress since Jul 7 2011 (parts 1/2) and Jan 13 2012 (parts 3/E).
Also from a prompt onnaruto_meme that I stalled out on when I lost my mojo over the summer, kicked back into gear by another couple of current prompts which will be part 3 and the epilogue.
**Part 1**
"You're pretty when you do that," Kakashi said then, and Tenzou felt his face heating up.
"Senpai," he objected, mumbling. 'Pretty' wasn't really a word that generally applied to him, not unless it was followed by 'plain' or 'ordinary'. He didn't consider himself unattractive, necessarily, but he definitely didn't stand out in a crowd.
"...Sexy, then," Kakashi amended, unfazed, and pulled backward on their joined hands until he effectively had Tenzou pinning him to the bed.
The shift in position altered the angle of things inside him, and Tenzou sucked in a sharp breath. Kakashi's hips flexed up, pushing deeper and lighting up every nerve ending in Tenzou's body; Tenzou shuddered, clutching at Kakashi's hands, and his breath escaped him on something between a gasp and a moan.
"Sexy," Kakashi repeated, and there was a little twist of a smirk in the corner of his mouth.
-
**Part 2**
They'd talked about 'someday' once upon a time, but somehow 'someday' never quite came around. 'Someday' didn't really mesh with ANBU too well, and then when Kakashi had gotten out and Tenzou had stayed in, they just...drifted. They saw each other off and on for a little while, but Kakashi couldn't help feeling that Tenzou deserved something, someone better than him. He was jaded, damaged, so messed up in the head that he had no business trying to maintain that kind of relationship, especially with someone as sound and solid as Tenzou. He'd been young and selfish years ago, snatching up Tenzou for himself before anyone more suitable could catch Tenzou's eye, pretending that Tenzou's stability made him a better more stable person by association.
It was foolish of him, and he'd grown to realize it. He'd let Tenzou go.
-
**Part 3**
Ever since he'd pulled Yamato out of the mess of that statue in Kabuto's lair, ever since he'd felt that first faint heartbeat beneath his hands that said his kouhai was still alive, part of Kakashi's mind had been debating.
On the one hand, their shared ANBU days were long over and the relationship they'd had then was just as far in the past. But on the other, old feelings ran deep and he could admit, if only to himself, that Yamato still meant as much to him as Tenzou once had.
-
**Epilogue**
"Do you know what Kakashi called me?" Iruka's mouth turned down in a pout that Ebisu really really wanted to kiss. "He called me a 'Jounin groupie', when he turned me down a couple years ago."
"How rude," Ebisu agreed, though he privately thought it...kind of was an accurate (if somewhat crass) way to sum up Iruka's romantic interests to date. Saying so wasn't going to earn him any points.
~*~
Sitches, wherein Sai tries to cope with Yamato's absence; YamaSai. In progress since Aug 30 2011.
Second in the Sai's Emotions series.
-
He let himself in to Yamato's apartment on the third night, thinking that perhaps it might help counter the loneliness Sakura had diagnosed him with. He wasn't entirely certain that it didn't qualify as breaking-and-entering, but since the wards and traps had all been keyed to his chakra signature anyway, he concluded that Yamato (when he returned) would not be likely to object.
It was better, keeping to the familiar routine of spending his nights in Yamato's space, but at the same time it was slightly disconcerting and unsettling, because Yamato was not there.
He wanted Yamato to be there. He would have...felt better, if Yamato was there.
He recognized that this feeling was neither logical nor rational; both he and Yamato were certain to be assigned missions without the other at times, particularly where ANBU duties were involved. It was to be expected. The desire to have Yamato home when Sai knew he was away was both senseless and futile.
Knowing this did not make it any easier to dismiss.
He bathed with Yamato's soap, washed his hair with Yamato's shampoo just for the familiarity of the scent. He slept naked in Yamato's bed, face buried against the pillow that smelled of Yamato, and woke up in the middle of the night to a very insistent erection.
~*~
Simmer, wherein Yamato and Sai discuss whether or not they should start a romantic relationship; YamaSai. In progress since Oct 14 2011.
Follows 'Steam'
-
"But if it's alright with you, I can..." He hesitates, one hand lifting to rub at the back of his head in a gesture that Sai has learned often means he's feeling awkward or uncertain, and his face colors very slightly. "Would you like me to suck you off?"
Sai blinks. He has read about oral sex, and Yamato's offer sparks a little frisson of...something, deep in his stomach, that makes his erection just that much harder. The idea of Yamato's mouth around his penis is...very pleasant. "Alright," he says, and thinks that this is probably a good time to offer up a smile.
Yamato's smile in return incites a faint surge of warmth in his chest.
"Okay then. Um, here--sit down," Yamato instructs, drawing back one of the plain wooden chairs tucked beneath the low bar.
Sai complies, and Yamato folds down to his knees between Sai's feet. Yamato's hands light briefly on Sai's thighs, then slide up to his hips, pulling him forward in the chair somewhat. "That's good," Yamato murmurs, and then he leans in, hovering for an instant before hesitantly kissing Sai's mouth.
~*~
Vigil, wherein Gaara waxes introspective about their relationship while Naruto sleeps; GaaNaru. In progress since Oct 28 2011.
This is fully drafted, but I'm trying to get a little better handle on Gaara's character to make sure I'm satisfied with how I've written him before I call it 'done'.
-
He wonders, uneasily, if he would truly give up everything--his station, his village, his siblings, himself--to defend Naruto.
He knows, deep in the darkest corners of his soul, that if it came down to it, the answer is 'yes'.
He would willfully murder by the thousands if it meant Naruto's life.
Part of him is appalled at the idea, but part of him fiercely approves. There is a distinctive brand of satisfaction in physically crushing his enemies, in feeling them struggle and die in the grip of his sand, that he has tried hard to forget. The ghost of old madness stirs in the back of his mind, and briefly he lets himself imagine how satisfying it would be to slaughter in Naruto's defense, to annihilate those who would threaten his most precious person.
It would be exhilarating, liberating.
Vindicating.
He knows he should be ashamed of the little thrill that runs through him at the thought, but he isn't.
He recalls the gleeful justification he used to feel when he killed for himself, and wonders how much greater that sense of validation would be if he were killing for Naruto.
He remembers the taste of blood, with something that feels disturbingly akin to longing.
Something old and dark and primal stirs in his gut.
He will not give Naruto up, not for anything, not even if it means losing the person that he has become.
~*~
Salt, wherein Sai tries to understand why he so dislikes Kakashi's casual-and-intimate attitude with Yamato; YamaSai. In progress since Nov 4 2011.
Third in the Sai's Emotions series.
-
Sai did his best to emulate Kakashi's too-familiar intimately-teasing tone. "Yamato..."
He was extremely pleased to see the same little flush coloring Yamato's ears, see the way his eyes dilated slightly just like they did when Kakashi purred his old name at him; it clearly was the tone, not the name, that evoked that reaction. Sai found that it was far less irritating, was actually rather...gratifying, when he was the one who had caused it. He moved in close against Yamato and touched him, trailing one fingertip lightly down the center of his chest, and said it again.
"Yamato..."
"...Yes?" Yamato sounded very slightly out of breath, which only made Sai's gratified feeling a little stronger. He leaned in close to Yamato's ear, as he'd seen Kakashi do far too often.
"I...want to be on top." It still went against his instinct not to ask permission, but Yamato was always encouraging him to speak plainly and directly when realizing what he wanted, so he made a statement of it.
Yamato shivered; Sai could feel the way Yamato's heart beat faster where he still touched Yamato's chest. "Oh?"
He supposed it was related to those baser instincts Yamato had talked about, that his hindbrain was urging him to assert his claim, establish his own dominance, prove his worthiness as a mate. "Yes," he said, still using that purring tone of voice, and gently flicked the tip of his tongue against Yamato's earlobe.
~*~
Ink, wherein Sai develops a contingency plan; Sai gen. In progress since Jan 18 2012.
From a prompt onnaruto_meme, but also largely an opportunity to develop my head-canon regarding Sai.
The first test was a failure.
Sai had suspected it would be; he knew that the chakra he infused into his ink was not permanent. The concentrated liquid ink in his reservoir could hold its chakra 'charge' for weeks, but once it was spread thin over paper and let to dry, there was not enough substance to it for the chakra infusion to last.
Sai was aware of these facts, was in the habit of refilling his ink and infusing fresh chakra at regular intervals and always before missions, but he'd never tested its effective life once deployed.
He did so now, experimenting, intent on pinning down that limit. It was still possible, if he know precisely how long his drawings would remain 'charged', that there could be an advantage in having a pre-prepared scroll.
~*~
Speaking of. Had a mental sit-down with myself and said, 'Look. Really. Be honest with yourself. What are the odds you're ever really going to Do Something with the fics that were started back in 2002? 2005?' And I argued, and pointed to finished things that took me five years or more to wrap up. To which I conceded that yes, it's entirely possible that one day I will actually hit the right combination of time/interest/inspiration to breathe life back into the old plot bunnies, but it's not likely to be soon. Regardless, all of them have appeared on prior postings of this meme (some on all the prior postings), and there's really nothing new for snippeting at this point. So.
Naruto only this year, then. Even if a couple of the not-quite-as-old-as-the-others Saiyuki fics are starting to call to me again.
~~~~***~~~
[title undecided], a Gaara-centric fairytale originally conceived as a LeeGaa 'Beauty and the Beast' adaptation; by now, it will be a fairytale account of Gaara's life that will either stay gen or, more likely, turn NaruGaa. In progress since Feb 10 2009.
The original title for this was 'The Beastly Beauty and the Beautiful Beast', which is a story I still want to write, but it will totally be GaiKaka now if I do.
-
"Why, Uncle?" cried the prince, clutching at his aching heart, and this time his tears flowed unchecked. "You said it wouldn't hurt, if I had love; you said that you love me!"
"I tried," answered the queen's brother, with the same kind sad smile. "I tried, so hard, but how could I love you? You are a curse. You took my dear sister from me. I hate you more than anyone." And he died.
Something broke inside of the prince then, that the only affection he had ever known was a lie, a lie! He screamed a terrible scream, his soul twisting in despair, and he wept his rage and betrayal while the sands howled and stormed protecively around him and madness rose swift and overpowering behind his eyes. The demon in his head laughed and laughed, and he embraced it with bitter joy.
"If there are none in this world who love me, then I will give love to myself," he declared, and the demon grinned. "I shall love only myself. I shall live for only myself!"
"Yes, yes," hissed the demon, and the sand carved the mark for 'Love' into the skin of the prince's face above his left eye.
~*~
[title undecided], wherein Yamato thinks his attraction to Sai inappropriate, Sai thinks his attraction to Yamato worth exploring, and alcohol is a convenient enabler; YamaSai. In progress since Jan 28 2011.
The first YamaSai fic I started, and consequently the one that's undergone the most evolution of character and revision for
**Part 1**
-
His head is spinning, and it's not entirely to blame on the alcohol. Trying to pull himself together, he searches desperately for the words--any words--that will put him back in control.
"Sai--" That won't do it, not when he can hear the need thick and vibrant in his own voice. He tries again. "Are you sure you're not drunk?"
Sai is still holding him with that depthless gaze, dark and promising; he leans in, closer, and the scent of him--steel and ink and ricepaper and leftover sunlight caught deep in the black of his hair--makes Yamato's head reel as it fills his senses, close and warm and enveloping.
"Yamato-taichou," Sai breathes again, hardly more than a whisper, "I'm not drunk." His lips are barely brushing the ridges of Yamato's ear as he speaks, intimate and electric. "I want to have sex with you."
It's close enough to what Yamato has imagined--deep in the night when he's tired enough and alone enough to let himself imagine things--that arousal flares hot and wild in his gut and he realizes with giddy dismay that he's not going to say no.
Sai's hand in his hair moves down the back of his neck, fingertips sending little jolts of warmth against his scalp as they withdraw, and around to toy with the corner of his face guard; Sai's other hand has a light grip on his shoulder. "You look at me, watch me, all the time," Sai murmurs, still torturously close to his ear. "You are very subtle about it, but once I noticed, I started to wonder why." His body heaves slightly with a short breath, and he turns his face so that his words are nearly lost in the collar of Yamato's flak vest. "I have done some research, and I'm fairly certain that this is one of several 'tells' you exhibit that indicates a sexual attraction to me." He draws back, just a little, just enough to catch Yamato's gaze. "Or have I interpreted things incorrectly again?"
Yamato stares at him, at the fragile uncertainty underneath his placid expression, and the last of his ragged defenses fail. "God, no," he breathes, desire surging warmly in his chest, and kisses Sai again.
-
**Part 2**
-
It occurs to Yamato then, with Sai's cock in his mouth and Sai's eyes boring into his, that this sort of activity was probably not encouraged in Root, and that Sai hasn't really been on the outside all that long by comparison.
His brain chooses then to remind him that Sai had kissed like he didn't quite know what he was doing, also; Yamato slides his mouth off of Sai with a long languid lick and draws back to ask what he probably should have asked in the beginning.
"Sai, have you ever...well, done this before? Any of this?"
He's sure he knows what the answer will be even before Sai says it.
"No, but I have read many books on the subject. I'm fairly certain that I know what I should expect."
Of course. Yamato gives himself a mental slap to the forehead for not realizing it sooner. Hell, Sai's entire ambush tonight--the kissing, the touching, the climbing-in-Yamato's-lap and the whispering-in-Yamato's-ear and such--had all probably been picked out of some book or other; Sai uses little else as a frame of reference for interpersonal behavior of any sort.
But at least that answers the question of why Sai has propositioned him tonight; he's ready to move from research to practical application and, on account of those 'tells' he'd mentioned, deduced that Yamato would be willing to assist.
"Okay. I'll take it slow, and you tell me if I do anything that surprises you, alright?"
"Yes, Taichou."
Responsibility for Sai's virginity settles heavy on his shoulders, along with a soft thrill at the idea that Sai has come to him for this, not anyone else.
There's that snide little voice in his head again suggesting that Sai's first time shouldn't be with his somewhat-drunken squad captain who's nearly ten years his senior, but the cocktail of alcohol and arousal in Yamato's blood makes it blessedly easy to ignore. Part of him suspects that voice will come back to haunt him when he's sober, but right now all that matters is doing whatever Sai wants, because Sai wants it.
He licks another line up Sai's cock and murmurs, "Hand me the lube."
-
**Part 3** which still needs such massive revision and may, depending on length and tone once re-written, be turned into a sequel instead
-
Yamato opens his mouth, not sure quite what he's going to say--he hasn't even broached the topic of discretion yet with Sai and how much they should reveal to the rest of the team--but it's just become a moot point because Sai is already moving.
Currently wearing nothing but his pants, Sai opens the door.
"It's alright, Naruto," he says, and Yamato can hear that he's practicing his cheerful smile as he says it. "I slept here with Yamato-taichou last night."
Naruto is caught up short in the doorway, gaping; his eyes dart from Sai's placid semi-nakedness to Yamato's barely-adequate towel and back to the random pattern of lovebites around Sai's throat, and then his face scrunches up like he's eaten something very unpleasant.
"Aw, geez, you guys!" he wails, hands waving in front of him spastically as if to ward off the revelation. "I didn't want to know!"
"But Naruto, do you not remember our conversation--"
"Agh, of course I do--it's not like I could forget it!" Judging by his tone and his haste to interrupt, Naruto has tried very hard to do so anyway. "But talking to you about it is totally different than seeing--you, and his--" He gestures hysterically in a way obviously meant to indicate Yamato's state of undress. His face is turning rather red and he's studiously not looking at the patchwork of bruises along Sai's neck. "I don't need details, y'know?"
Yamato steps in before Sai can start puzzling over what 'details' Naruto means. "We'll meet you and Sakura downstairs in fifteen minutes," he says, and Naruto shoots him a look half grateful and half freaked out.
"Right," he says, and is off down the hall in an instant.
Sai closes the door and turns to Yamato, and his slight frown has a quizzical air about it.
"I don't understand."
~*~
Moonlight, wherein Yamato and Sai bond after a mission that didn't go smoothly; mildly YamaSai. In progress since Feb 11 2011.
-
The snow has stopped falling and the clouds have cleared, leaving the sky velvet-black and the landscape bright and sparkling under the gibbous curve of the barely-waning moon; Yamato thinks with a sharp surge of bitterness that it's not right for the world to look so clean, so pure, when it's anything but.
There's a soft noise behind him on the porch and Yamato turns slightly, tilts his head back as Sai comes to stand over him, gazing down at him impassively from above the collar of his inclement-weather cloak.
"It's my turn for watch, Yamato-taichou."
"Mmh." Yamato tips his head forward again and slides over, leaving room for Sai to sit beside him if he wants; it's half invitation and half stalling, as his mind is still far too active to turn in just yet.
Sai stands motionless another heartbeat or two, then moves soundlessly forward and seats himself on the step next to Yamato.
Silence passes between them for a handful of minutes; their breath clouds softly in the still air, visible for mere seconds before it vanishes into nothingness.
"You don't seem yourself this evening, Taichou," Sai says at last.
"I suppose I'm not, entirely," Yamato returns, and he can hear the touch of weariness in his own voice.
~*~
Steam, wherein Sai begins to realize certain things while he and Yamato are alone in the sauna; YamaSai. In progress since Feb 24 2011.
-
"I don't understand. If I am sexually attracted to you, and you are sexually attracted to me, then why shouldn't we do the things that people who share a sexual attraction usually do?" He places a hand on Yamato's thigh as he speaks, acting on his earlier thoughts of touching Yamato, and the warm damp skin beneath his palm sets his pulse throbbing in his ears.
It is strange, still, but not unpleasant.
Yamato makes that strangled noise again and puts his hand over Sai's, fingers gripping tight around Sai's wrist, and the excitement in Sai's stomach increases at the touch.
"God, Sai--" Yamato swallows, thickly, and Sai watches the movement of his throat with fascination. "We shouldn't--"
He's no longer saying 'we can't', Sai notes, and decides that it's an improvement in his favor. "Why shouldn't we, Taichou?"
Yamato draws in a very deep breath. "I'm several years older than you, for starters."
Sai blinks. "Does that matter?"
He's only seeking clarification--he truly doesn't know--but Yamato appears to take it as a valid refuting of his reasoning. "Er. Well. I also frequently serve as your squad captain, which makes it inappropriate." His fingers twitch against Sai's wrist.
People have so many notions about what's appropriate and what's not; Sai tries his best but wonders if he'll ever be able to grasp them all. "I don't understand," he repeats, and remembers to furrow his brow and frown a little so his expression conveys that he's perplexed. "Why is it inappropriate?"
~*~
[tentative title] Object Lesson, wherein Yamato's inner pervert has some very particular ideas about how to help Sai put names to the emotions that go with sex; YamaSai. In progress since Mar 19 2011.
This is karmic retaliation for all the times I've talked about being uber-vanilla when it comes to common garden-variety kinks, I just know it. >_<
-
"Tell me what you're feeling, now," he commanded gently.
Sai squirmed, just a little. "I...it...your voice is making me aroused, more aroused, and it--it's like impatience, but more--I don't know how to say it--" His breath caught as Yamato drew a single fingertip down from his navel and circled around the base of his erection.
"Mmmmm." Yamato drew out the sound, low and intimate, and rubbed his cheek sensually over Sai's hipbone. "Try. For me."
Sai sucked in a deep breath, shivering, and his cock twitched.
"I...it's...you aren't touching my penis," he finally said, and tugged marginally at the wooden tendrils binding his wrists. "I would touch it myself if my hands were free."
There was a hint of rawness underneath Sai's voice bespeaking urgency and unsatisfied want, and Yamato gave his thigh a gentle squeeze, arousal and self-conscious excitement mixing hot in the pit of his own belly.
"That's frustration, there; it's when you want something--" he blew a soft stream of breath across the tip of Sai's erection, wet with pre-ejaculate "--but you can't quite make it happen."
Sai's breath caught, and his hips jerked, and he pulled a little harder at his restraints, at Yamato's technique holding him helpless. "I don't think I like frustration. Yamato--"
But Yamato was already moving, shifting position and ducking his head to lick up the underside of Sai's cock.
The sound that Sai made, short and low and needy and sort of caught back in his throat, went straight to Yamato's aching dick; Sai didn't do involuntary noises, as a general rule, and getting one out of him never failed to boost Yamato's ego substantially.
~*~
Fireworks, wherein Yamato and Sai have a new beginning at the end of the war; YamaSai. In progress since Mar 21 2011.
Will be fifth in the Mundane Romance series if I write the third/fourth installments.
-
"Why do you close your eyes when we kiss?"
"...Well, it's kind of customary, I guess. There isn't really a whole lot to see that close, so they might as well be closed, and it probably heightens the other senses a little too, since kissing is more about touch and feel than anything else."
"Ah." Sai looks thoughtful, and Yamato leans down into him again as another volley of fireworks bursts overhead.
"Close your eyes, Sai," he murmurs, very close to Sai's mouth, and waits until Sai's lashes have fluttered down obediently before kissing him again. He takes his time about it, savoring the gentle touch and press of lips, stroking the pad of his thumb lightly back and forth over the corner of Sai's jaw.
"Oh," says Sai, when the kiss is finished. "I think I understand now."
Yamato smiles. "Well, good." He backs Sai up against the wall, gently, and slips both arms around him, descending on his mouth again. Sai presses close against him, one hand settled flat over Yamato's heart, the other holding warm at the back of his neck.
~*~
[tentative title] The Special Hell, wherein high school shop teacher Yamato fights his attraction to the introverted student who has quietly developed a crush on him; YamaSai + various side-pairings. In progress since Apr 5 2011.
-
He presses his lips to the crown of Sai's head in a gentle, lingering kiss. "You're still my student," he murmurs into Sai's hair, voice ripe with aching apology, and squeezes Sai's shoulders once before letting go. He sucks in a deep breath, scrabbling for the tatters of his self control, and steps back.
"That's...true," Sai says at last, finally moving from the position he'd held against Yamato. His head bows further, dark hair shadowing his face. "I...don't want to get you in trouble." He straightens up, gives Yamato a small apologetic smile over his shoulder. "I should go now."
He's off the stool and out the door before Yamato can say anything.
It takes everything Yamato's got not to go after him.
Yamato braces his hands on the workbench and breathes deep, head down, eyes closed, until the pounding of his heart begins to subside.
The end of the semester is only weeks out, but it feels impossibly far away.
You've made it this far, he tells himself, desperately. You can handle this until Christmas break. And then you'll never have to see him again.
The thought is not the relief it should be, is almost distressing, and Yamato curls one hand into a fist and slams it savagely atop the bench. He's still painfully hard; he spends a long moment silently cursing himself for his weakness, and Sai for being so god-damned appealing, and the world at large for telling them they're wrong to feel the way they do about each other.
He jerks off in the restroom, burning with shame, to the feel of his fingertips sliding over Sai's skin, the smell of Sai's hair, and the silken brush of it beneath his lips.
~*~
Waiting in the Wings, wherein Naruto the violinist and Kakashi his former tutor meet up again at Naruto's debut recital; KakaNaru. In progress since Jul 7 2011.
From a prompt on
naruto_meme that I stalled out on when I lost my mojo over the summer. Still want to get back to it, especially as it might tie in to a larger YamaSai AU that I want to write.-
Kakashi knew he'd been spotted lurking in the shadows backstage the instant Naruto ducked into the wings. Naruto's face split into a huge beaming smile and he quickly wove his way around the other performers, violin still in hand as he made a beeline for his old teacher.
"Kakashi-sensei! You came!"
Kakashi slouched a little more against the wall, hands jammed in the pockets of his suit pants, blazer hanging open, and tried to ignore the way his stomach tightened and fluttered at that brilliant smile. This had been a bad idea, he knew it from the outset, but he couldn't not come all the same.
"Maa, well. I wasn't going to miss your solo debut." Not when you invited me, even though it's been over a year since I taught you--
~*~
Promises, wherein an old ANBU romance is let to fade and then rekindled; KakaYama. In progress since Jul 7 2011 (parts 1/2) and Jan 13 2012 (parts 3/E).
Also from a prompt on
naruto_meme that I stalled out on when I lost my mojo over the summer, kicked back into gear by another couple of current prompts which will be part 3 and the epilogue.**Part 1**
"You're pretty when you do that," Kakashi said then, and Tenzou felt his face heating up.
"Senpai," he objected, mumbling. 'Pretty' wasn't really a word that generally applied to him, not unless it was followed by 'plain' or 'ordinary'. He didn't consider himself unattractive, necessarily, but he definitely didn't stand out in a crowd.
"...Sexy, then," Kakashi amended, unfazed, and pulled backward on their joined hands until he effectively had Tenzou pinning him to the bed.
The shift in position altered the angle of things inside him, and Tenzou sucked in a sharp breath. Kakashi's hips flexed up, pushing deeper and lighting up every nerve ending in Tenzou's body; Tenzou shuddered, clutching at Kakashi's hands, and his breath escaped him on something between a gasp and a moan.
"Sexy," Kakashi repeated, and there was a little twist of a smirk in the corner of his mouth.
-
**Part 2**
They'd talked about 'someday' once upon a time, but somehow 'someday' never quite came around. 'Someday' didn't really mesh with ANBU too well, and then when Kakashi had gotten out and Tenzou had stayed in, they just...drifted. They saw each other off and on for a little while, but Kakashi couldn't help feeling that Tenzou deserved something, someone better than him. He was jaded, damaged, so messed up in the head that he had no business trying to maintain that kind of relationship, especially with someone as sound and solid as Tenzou. He'd been young and selfish years ago, snatching up Tenzou for himself before anyone more suitable could catch Tenzou's eye, pretending that Tenzou's stability made him a better more stable person by association.
It was foolish of him, and he'd grown to realize it. He'd let Tenzou go.
-
**Part 3**
Ever since he'd pulled Yamato out of the mess of that statue in Kabuto's lair, ever since he'd felt that first faint heartbeat beneath his hands that said his kouhai was still alive, part of Kakashi's mind had been debating.
On the one hand, their shared ANBU days were long over and the relationship they'd had then was just as far in the past. But on the other, old feelings ran deep and he could admit, if only to himself, that Yamato still meant as much to him as Tenzou once had.
-
**Epilogue**
"Do you know what Kakashi called me?" Iruka's mouth turned down in a pout that Ebisu really really wanted to kiss. "He called me a 'Jounin groupie', when he turned me down a couple years ago."
"How rude," Ebisu agreed, though he privately thought it...kind of was an accurate (if somewhat crass) way to sum up Iruka's romantic interests to date. Saying so wasn't going to earn him any points.
~*~
Sitches, wherein Sai tries to cope with Yamato's absence; YamaSai. In progress since Aug 30 2011.
Second in the Sai's Emotions series.
-
He let himself in to Yamato's apartment on the third night, thinking that perhaps it might help counter the loneliness Sakura had diagnosed him with. He wasn't entirely certain that it didn't qualify as breaking-and-entering, but since the wards and traps had all been keyed to his chakra signature anyway, he concluded that Yamato (when he returned) would not be likely to object.
It was better, keeping to the familiar routine of spending his nights in Yamato's space, but at the same time it was slightly disconcerting and unsettling, because Yamato was not there.
He wanted Yamato to be there. He would have...felt better, if Yamato was there.
He recognized that this feeling was neither logical nor rational; both he and Yamato were certain to be assigned missions without the other at times, particularly where ANBU duties were involved. It was to be expected. The desire to have Yamato home when Sai knew he was away was both senseless and futile.
Knowing this did not make it any easier to dismiss.
He bathed with Yamato's soap, washed his hair with Yamato's shampoo just for the familiarity of the scent. He slept naked in Yamato's bed, face buried against the pillow that smelled of Yamato, and woke up in the middle of the night to a very insistent erection.
~*~
Simmer, wherein Yamato and Sai discuss whether or not they should start a romantic relationship; YamaSai. In progress since Oct 14 2011.
Follows 'Steam'
-
"But if it's alright with you, I can..." He hesitates, one hand lifting to rub at the back of his head in a gesture that Sai has learned often means he's feeling awkward or uncertain, and his face colors very slightly. "Would you like me to suck you off?"
Sai blinks. He has read about oral sex, and Yamato's offer sparks a little frisson of...something, deep in his stomach, that makes his erection just that much harder. The idea of Yamato's mouth around his penis is...very pleasant. "Alright," he says, and thinks that this is probably a good time to offer up a smile.
Yamato's smile in return incites a faint surge of warmth in his chest.
"Okay then. Um, here--sit down," Yamato instructs, drawing back one of the plain wooden chairs tucked beneath the low bar.
Sai complies, and Yamato folds down to his knees between Sai's feet. Yamato's hands light briefly on Sai's thighs, then slide up to his hips, pulling him forward in the chair somewhat. "That's good," Yamato murmurs, and then he leans in, hovering for an instant before hesitantly kissing Sai's mouth.
~*~
Vigil, wherein Gaara waxes introspective about their relationship while Naruto sleeps; GaaNaru. In progress since Oct 28 2011.
This is fully drafted, but I'm trying to get a little better handle on Gaara's character to make sure I'm satisfied with how I've written him before I call it 'done'.
-
He wonders, uneasily, if he would truly give up everything--his station, his village, his siblings, himself--to defend Naruto.
He knows, deep in the darkest corners of his soul, that if it came down to it, the answer is 'yes'.
He would willfully murder by the thousands if it meant Naruto's life.
Part of him is appalled at the idea, but part of him fiercely approves. There is a distinctive brand of satisfaction in physically crushing his enemies, in feeling them struggle and die in the grip of his sand, that he has tried hard to forget. The ghost of old madness stirs in the back of his mind, and briefly he lets himself imagine how satisfying it would be to slaughter in Naruto's defense, to annihilate those who would threaten his most precious person.
It would be exhilarating, liberating.
Vindicating.
He knows he should be ashamed of the little thrill that runs through him at the thought, but he isn't.
He recalls the gleeful justification he used to feel when he killed for himself, and wonders how much greater that sense of validation would be if he were killing for Naruto.
He remembers the taste of blood, with something that feels disturbingly akin to longing.
Something old and dark and primal stirs in his gut.
He will not give Naruto up, not for anything, not even if it means losing the person that he has become.
~*~
Salt, wherein Sai tries to understand why he so dislikes Kakashi's casual-and-intimate attitude with Yamato; YamaSai. In progress since Nov 4 2011.
Third in the Sai's Emotions series.
-
Sai did his best to emulate Kakashi's too-familiar intimately-teasing tone. "Yamato..."
He was extremely pleased to see the same little flush coloring Yamato's ears, see the way his eyes dilated slightly just like they did when Kakashi purred his old name at him; it clearly was the tone, not the name, that evoked that reaction. Sai found that it was far less irritating, was actually rather...gratifying, when he was the one who had caused it. He moved in close against Yamato and touched him, trailing one fingertip lightly down the center of his chest, and said it again.
"Yamato..."
"...Yes?" Yamato sounded very slightly out of breath, which only made Sai's gratified feeling a little stronger. He leaned in close to Yamato's ear, as he'd seen Kakashi do far too often.
"I...want to be on top." It still went against his instinct not to ask permission, but Yamato was always encouraging him to speak plainly and directly when realizing what he wanted, so he made a statement of it.
Yamato shivered; Sai could feel the way Yamato's heart beat faster where he still touched Yamato's chest. "Oh?"
He supposed it was related to those baser instincts Yamato had talked about, that his hindbrain was urging him to assert his claim, establish his own dominance, prove his worthiness as a mate. "Yes," he said, still using that purring tone of voice, and gently flicked the tip of his tongue against Yamato's earlobe.
~*~
Ink, wherein Sai develops a contingency plan; Sai gen. In progress since Jan 18 2012.
From a prompt on
naruto_meme, but also largely an opportunity to develop my head-canon regarding Sai.The first test was a failure.
Sai had suspected it would be; he knew that the chakra he infused into his ink was not permanent. The concentrated liquid ink in his reservoir could hold its chakra 'charge' for weeks, but once it was spread thin over paper and let to dry, there was not enough substance to it for the chakra infusion to last.
Sai was aware of these facts, was in the habit of refilling his ink and infusing fresh chakra at regular intervals and always before missions, but he'd never tested its effective life once deployed.
He did so now, experimenting, intent on pinning down that limit. It was still possible, if he know precisely how long his drawings would remain 'charged', that there could be an advantage in having a pre-prepared scroll.
~*~
