[FIC] The Odd Job (Hakkai, Gojyo)
Jun. 28th, 2008 07:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tj_dragonbladeFour years. Four years I've been at this thing. There is a definite sense of accomplishment in having it done at last. Many thanks to Sorcha for the beta read. ^_^
Title: The Odd Job
Author: TJ Dragonblade
Fandom: Saiyuki
Rated: 13+
Pairings: 585 implied but largely unspoken, stirrings of Hakuryuu/Hakkai (if one is actively looking for them); passing mention of 585 and 53
Warnings: Crossover, crack, scattered language, passing mention of yaoi and mpreg
Summary: Just how did Hakkai acquire custodianship of Hakuryuu?
Setting: A few months before Sanzo summons them on the journey to Indiaand totally unconcerned with the fourth wall.
Notes: This is a cracked and campy notion that occurred to me shortly after I fell into Saiyuki in Spring 2004. It's been in progress a very long time; various portions of it have been lost and re-written on two separate occasions and I'm so glad to finally have it done. Crossovers must of course be handled very delicately; I realize that many folks dislike them on principle. *bows humbly* With that in mind, I've taken great pains to ensure that it stays in good taste, crack and all, and remains user-friendly to those unfamiliar with the crossed element. And no, I'm not saying what I crossed it with up front. Because it should work fairly well even if you only know Saiyuki, and *cough* life needs a little mystery every now and then.
=====
Birds were singing and the morning breeze was gentle as the sun shone down on one of the many forests in the Fandom of Saiyuki. Bright light filtered through the greenery, softening on the way down, sparkling against the lingering dew and dappling the path below in lacy shadow. In the midst of this sylvan loveliness stood Hakkai, patiently poring over a sheet of green paper in one hand with what looked like a smallish cake box tucked absently in the other. After several moments, Gojyo meandered into view and sauntered over.
"Alright, I'm here," he announced by way of greeting. "Let's get this fic star--" He broke off, frowning at the green paper in Hakkai's hands, and planted his hands on his hips. "And how come there's only one copy of the outline?"
Hakkai looked up, the customary little smile settling on his mouth. "Well, really, Gojyo--as we're in this together, what would we need with two?"
"How'm I supposed to know what comes next if the fic separates us?"
"Ah. Well, as this is only a quarter of the outline anyway, I doubt very much that it would be of help to you in such a case."
Gojyo deflated a little, resignation in the slump of his shoulders. "So they lost the rest of it? Again?"
"I'm afraid so."
"Ehh." Gojyo shrugged, and gave a heavy sigh. "Suppose we should be used to that, by now."
"Indeed." Hakkai's smile brightened from There's-Unfotunately-No-Help-For-It to Moving-On-to-the-Next-Order-of-Business. "Well, then. Shall we get things underway?"
"Hold on, hold on--" Gojyo dug about in his pockets, producing his lighter and a rather battered pack of cigarettes. "Just gimme a sec--"
Hakkai touched his shoulder. "I'm afraid we're already rather behind schedule as it is, Gojyo," he said softly. "Also, I'm terribly sorry but this is labeled a non-smoking fic..."
Gojyo paused, cigarette dangling between his lips, thumb poised on the lighter. "You gotta be shittin' me."
Hakkai smiled his most apologetic smile and quietly pointed out the unmistakable 'No Smoking' icon at the upper-left corner of his outline. "I'm afraid not, Gojyo. Again, I'm quite sorry..."
"What the hell, Hakkai--you signed us up for a non-smoking fic??" Gojyo exclaimed, flipping the lighter closed with visible irritation and jerking the cigarette from his mouth.
Hakkai's smile remained contrite. "It was the least offensive plotline among the available choices this morning," he offered in explanation. "And it does pay rather well." The smile became unsettlingly sweet. "Unless, of course, you would have preferred any of the five Mary-Sues or the deathfic?"
"Ahh, dammit," Gojyo huffed, by way of accepting defeat. He slid the unlit cigarette back in amongst its fellows and shoved pack and lighter back into his pockets. "Fine. No smoking."
"If it's any comfort, Gojyo, I am told that the fic is not too terribly long. The sooner we begin, the sooner we will wrap the final scene--"
"--and the sooner I can have my cigarette. Right."
"Precisely!" Hakkai dimpled and started walking down the path.
Still grumbling, Gojyo stuffed his hands in his pockets and fell into step beside him as they passed out of the Fandom of Saiyuki and crossed into some other with giant mechs tromping about in the background. "So do we have sex in this fic?" he asked, clearly grasping for a silver lining.
"Ahh..." Hakkai scanned over the paper and shook his head slightly. "I don't think so, given the rating, but it's difficult to say for certain. As I said, they lost most of the outline; what I have here guides us only as far as finding a pet shop."
"Pet...a what, now?" Gojyo stopped dead in his tracks. "Okay. Time out." He bounced one hand perpendicular above the other in a classic 'time-out' gesture, a reflexive physical echo of his words. "Now you know I'm willin' to try all kindsa kinky shit in the name of entertaining the readers, but...bestiality? Come on!"
Hakkai stopped walking so as not to leave his friend behind. "Actually, I'm quite sure that zoophilia is a far more likely option for either of us, given character and personality, not that every writer would make distinction between the two..." He trailed off at Gojyo's incredulous stare, and flashed a sheepish smile. "Ahaha! However." He peered closely at the outline again, adjusting his monocle absently. "As I said--it's rated rather mildly, Gojyo, and there aren't any squick warnings. I don't believe you have anything to worry about."
Gojyo's posture loosened slightly in visible relief. "Oh. Good. Sex is such a popular subject with these fic writers," he muttered. "Not that I'd usually complain, but some of the crap they come up with--" He shuddered.
Hakkai acquired a sympathetic expression. "Can I assume your last fic involved--" his brow creased slightly as he searched for the word "--'mpreg'?"
Gojyo nodded, hands shoved deep in his pockets. "Never mind that half-breeds tend to be shootin' blanks--Sanzo was having my baby. It was damned freaky, I tell you." He shuddered again, violently.
"...Oh, my, yes," Hakkai agreed, straight-faced. "I'm sure it must have been terribly disconcerting. It's not as though Sanzo is normally prone to mood swings or odd tastes in food, after all..."
"...Er...well, still." Gojyo folded his arms. "I don't ever wanna go through that again."
"I would imagine not." Hakkai shook his head and resumed walking, passing out of the mecha setting.
Gojyo moved to follow, changing the subject as they made their way into a Fandom where young ninjas with metal-plated headbands were leaping about in the foliage overhead. "So...what's in the box, anyway?"
"I'm not entirely sure," Hakkai admitted, handing it over and stepping neatly aside as one unfortunate ninja-in-training fell out of the trees in a flurry of displaced leaves.
Gojyo squinted at the elaborate gold-foil markings on the label. "...'Sakura Medley'." He frowned at the smaller characters below. "...'Exotic Dessert Which Defies Desecra--' no, 'Description'..." He blinked. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"...Perhaps someone at the bakery has an inscrutable sense of humor?"
Gojyo rolled his eyes. "Thanks bunches, Hakkai--that's real helpful."
Hakkai laughed a sheepish little laugh, rubbing lightly at the back of his head. "I do apologize, Gojyo, but I really wasn't given much information. They handed me the box, offered several disappointingly unoriginal excuses for losing three-quarters of the outline, and left me to wait for you."
Gojyo heaved a sigh. "There has got to be a better way to pay the bills than doin' fanfics or running errands for His Pissiness," he groaned, ducking a flying kunai that had gotten away from its owner. "Damn, I miss the gambling days!"
"Ahh, but no one in town will bet against us anymore, you and I." Hakkai smiled brightly. "I'm afraid that our reputation has been our undoing!"
Gojyo waved dismissively. "Ehh, they'll forget sooner or later, we stay off the scene for awhile. Don't you worry."
Hakkai just smiled his agreement as they emerged from the forest, crossed into yet another Fandom and stopped on a crowded street that ran through a big-city Chinatown. He glanced down at the outline again, then lifted his head to scan the myriad signs lining shop-fronts and doorways.
"Ahh!" He pointed Gojyo's attention to an ornate doorway a block or so down. "I believe that we've reached our destination, Gojyo."
His companion squinted at the name on the distant sign. "'Count D'?"
"Yes." Hakkai folded the now-useless outline page and slipped it into the rear pocket of his trousers. "Come, let's see what this is all about, shall we?"
The doorway opened onto a short stairwell when they reached it; the steps led them down to an interior door. It opened of its own accord to admit them; beyond, it was quite dim compared to the brightness of the street outside and they both stood blinking just over the threshold, letting their eyes adjust.
The interior of the shop was larger somehow than the facade outside would indicate, and it had the look of a cozy antiques showroom more than anything else. Ornate furniture and heavy drapes fleshed out the room, the odd cage tucked here and there among the shadows the only sign that this was perhaps the pet shop they'd expected after all. The air was close and warm to breathe, hinting at incense burning somewhere in another room.
Gojyo and Hakkai took it in and glanced back at each other, uncertain quite how to proceed in the absence of any store proprieter.
"Welcome to Count D's Pet Shop, where we deal in love, hope, dreams, and your heart's desire..."
The low voice startled them both and they whirled, alarmed that they had not heard anyone approach. A slender figure in an elegant and elaborate cheongsam moved gracefully out of the shadows, and while it was genuinely difficult to tell one way or the other, some vague indefinable aura about the person whispered male. Dark hair fell just past the level of his chin and shaped itself elegantly around his strikingly effeminate face. Mismatched eyes, the right golden yellow much like Goku's and the left a violet more blue than Sanzo's but no less remarkable, regarded them coolly.
The man bowed graciously, one hand held delicately over the vicinity of his heart, his smile almost demure. "My apologies--I did not mean to startle you," he offered, though the muted gleam in his eyes might have implied otherwise. "As I said--welcome."
"Good day," Hakkai offered politely in return, manners quickly asserting precedence over surprise.
"So you'd be Count D, then?" Gojyo asked, not quite able to stop staring. The man had long nails, polished and elegantly rounded, and the color in his lips couldn't possibly be natural.
Those lips smiled again, the same understated deferential politeness. "For the sake of simplicity you may call me that, yes, although the title is truly my grandfather's. I am merely keeper of this shop in his absence."
Gojyo's brow wrinkled in contemplation. "Have we met somewhere?" he asked, impulsively. "Somethin' about you is weirdly familiar...like I've heard your voice before, I don't know..."
"I do not think so," the Count answered, almost too smoothly. "I am quite sure that I would remember such a..." and his eyes flitted briefly to the red of Gojyo's hair "...striking individual."
"...Huh." Gojyo didn't look entirely convinced, but neither did he look inclined to pursue the issue.
The Count's smile never wavered. "Now then. What brings the two of you to my humble shop on such a pleasant morning?"
"We're doin' a fanfic," Gojyo answered.
"Our outline directed us here," Hakkai elaborated, "but I'm afraid the subsequent pages were never received and we're not entirely certain what it is we were supposed to do once we arrived."
Count D's smile brightened and he clapped his hands together lightly. "Ah--then it is as I thought! You are indeed the young men to whom I sell the dragon!"
Hakkai blinked, intrigued curiosity flashing across his features. "...Dragon?"
"...Sell?" Gojyo leaned over to Hakkai, murmuring out the side of his mouth. "How're we s'posed to buy anything when we don't get paid for this fic 'til it's done?"
Hakkai shook his head and addressed Count D. "I'm afraid there must be some mistake; neither of us has any sort of currency--"
The Count drummed his steepled fingers together airily, long nails clicking lightly. "Not in the usual sense, perhaps; however--" His eyes fixed on the package in Gojyo's hand with a look of anticipation . "Might I ask what that box holds?"
"...This?" Gojyo lifted the box. "Some sort of sakura something-or-other?"
D's face lit up; he took a step toward Gojyo, reaching excitedly with hands that almost trembled. "If I may, please?"
Gojyo glanced sideways at Hakkai, who returned his glance with a look of utter mystification. "Yeah. Sure. Don't see why not--" He handed the box to D.
The Count unfolded the top of the container with enthusiastic care and peered inside. "Oh--!" His eyes closed and he inhaled delicately, the expression on his face somewhere between childish delight and impending orgasm. "Oh, se has outdone hirself..."
"Must be some damned fine dessert," Gojyo murmured, aside to Hakkai.
Hakkai just shook his head slightly, as mystified as his companion.
D opened his eyes. "This will be more than sufficient payment, I think." He closed the box, quickly re-composing himself. "Now." He straightened up and motioned toward the large door at the back of the room, inclining his head slightly in invitation. "If you will both follow me...?"
The look of the hall beyond was in keeping with the main room of the shop; it was dim and wide and surely much longer than it ought to be for the size of the building in which it was housed. Hakkai and Gojyo shadowed Count D down the low corridor until he stopped and opened a door that looked identical to any of the dozens they'd passed. "This way, please," he directed, stepping aside and holding the door.
The two exchanged a glance. "Right," Gojyo muttered, squaring his shoulders, and followed Hakkai into the dark room.
The incense hit them first, heady and powerful; Gojyo's nose wrinkled and Hakkai muffled a delicate sneeze. They blinked, peering into the dimness, eyes slowly adjusting.
There was a figure before them, difficult to discern in the lack of light but pale and regal and man-shaped, eyes burning golden-red and dark in the white of its face, horns and the tips of pointed ears poking out from the thick tumble of its hair. It tilted its head at them in an inquisitive manner, one hand lifting, and Hakkai drew in a sharp breath.
The overhead chandelier came on abruptly, blinding both of them.
"Shit!" Gojyo cursed, clapping a hand over his eyes.
"Oh, dear. I do apologize," Count D murmured contritely, perhaps overly so, and dimmed the lights back down until the room took on a sort of candlelit effect.
"It's quite alright--" Hakkai began, blinking as his sight readjusted. "--Oh." His eyes widened.
Before them, what had in the dark appeared to be a man turned out to be a tall gilded perch occupied by a small white dragon roughly the size of a large parrot.
"Oh," Hakkai breathed again, reaching a hand up toward the dragon, who scented it curiously if somewhat cautiously. "Oh, my, how perfectly...oh." His head tilted and a delighted smile curved his lips as the dragon suddenly ducked under his hand and pressed up against it with a little trill of encouragement. He stroked carefully down the back of the serpentine neck, toyed briefly with the mane between the creature's wings before returning to its head.
"Kyuu," the dragon cheeped, and its tongue flicked out to curl against his wrist in a delicate lick.
"Why, hello," Hakkai murmured, one fingertip touching softly between the little white horns. "Have you a name, my friend?"
"You may call him Hakuryuu," Count D offered.
"Hakuryuu," Hakkai repeated, thoroughly enamoured, the backs of two fingers stroking down the dragon's belly. The end of the long white tail curled lightly around his wrist and the dragon purred, red eyes slitting closed.
"Hakuryuu?" Gojyo snorted. "Hell of a name, there, Count."
The saccharine innocence in D's smile never wavered. "Why, my dear young man, whatever do you mean?"
"His name is 'white dragon'?" Gojyo scoffed. "Gee, that's imaginative."
"But that is, after all, his name." D pressed a long-nailed finger to his lower lip and developed an absently-pensive look. "Of course, we could call him Jeep, I suppose, as was originally intended..." He shook his head abruptly and waved both hands dismissively. "Oh, no, but then, we would be dancing with messy branding and trademark issues, and I don't think anyone in this fic wants that."
Gojyo was incredulous. "...Jeep?"
"Why, yes." D smiled matter-of-factly. "When you reach your native fandom once again, I daresay you will find that he has certain abilities that are most...interesting; abilities that would draw quite a lot more attention than you might like if employed here."
"...And what, a pint-sized white dragon won't?"
The Count just smiled his little smile, hands tucked together in his sleeves, eyes gleaming unnaturally.
Gojyo shook his head, resigned. "Okay. Fine. Whatever." He stepped over and nudged Hakkai. "We about done here, then, you think?"
Hakkai, who by now had the dragon on his arm and was studying him eye-to-eye, glanced briefly toward him. "Nearly so, Gojyo--" He cut himself off with a delighted little laugh as the creature nipped curiously at his bangs, flicked his tongue along the rim of the monocle. "My, you're not at all bashful, are you, Hakuryuu?"
"Kyuu," the dragon demurred, neck twisting in a graceful arc as he swung his head around the side of Hakkai's face to nose tentatively at the limiters.
Gently, Hakkai diverted his investigative questing. "Ahh, now, I'd rather you leave those alone, if you don't mind."
"Kyuu?" The sinuous neck curved back, and there was a soft note of disappointment in the inquiring chirp.
Gojyo reached to settle a hand lightly on the dragon's head, ruffling the fine mane between the horns, a variation of a gesture not uncommonly used on Goku. "No one gets to touch the limiters, Haku-chan. Don't feel bad."
"Kyuu!" The dragon twisted out from beneath Gojyo's hand and drew back, a distinctly affronted expression on his face.
"I should mention, perhaps, that he has rather a bit too much pride to take kindly to such diminutive nicknames," Count D interjected helpfully, smiling brightly, one finger raised in a strikingly Hakkai-like gesture.
Gojyo arched a skeptical eyebrow. "Too much what, now? This lizard with wings?"
The dragon hissed, tail curling whip-like, the mane all along his spine rising just a little as he unfurled his wings and leaned toward Gojyo.
Gojyo took a small involuntary step backwards.
"What Gojyo means to say is 'I apologize', Hakuryuu," Hakkai intervened, not wincing even as sharp white talons flexed tightly about his arm. His eyes lifted to bore into Gojyo's, the steel in his gaze brooking no argument.
"Uh. Yeah," Gojyo muttered, his expression unsettled. The dragon may have been tiny, but it was rather intimidating all the same.
Hakuryuu snorted, eyeing him with clear distrust.
"I mean it. For real. Do my best to not insult you on purpose," he promised, both hands up placatingly. "I swear."
"Please don't be put off by unfavorable first impressions, either of you," Hakkai said, stroking the back of one finger down the dragon's belly, soothing. "Gojyo may occasionally speak without thinking, but he is a very good and forthright man and I am sure that the two of you will get along wonderfully, if you both try." The tone of his voice, however polite, made it clear that it was not so much a request as a statement of How Things Are Going To Be.
"...Kyuu." The dragon tossed his head, the stare he directed at Gojyo both wary and considering.
Gojyo flashed his most charming grin, and it only looked a little bit forced. "For Hakkai, yeah? You seem pretty stuck on him already..."
The dragon puffed out what could only be described as a long-suffering sigh and settled back, wings tucked in close to his body once more.
"The things I do for you," Gojyo muttered to Hakkai sotto voce, still holding the grin. "Apologizing to a lizard..."
Hakkai beamed. "Ahaha yes, but we'll all be much happier this way," he assured, fingertips running down the back of Hakuryuu's neck as he brought the dragon in close to his body once more.
"Kyuu," Hakuryuu cooed, moving in to nuzzle at Hakkai's chin in agreement, a smug sort of triumph in the glance he threw at Gojyo.
Gojyo held onto his grin with gritted teeth and said nothing.
Hakkai smiled, eyes lifting briefly to the Count again. "Are there any other particulars of which I ought to be aware?"
"Ordinarily there would be the matter of the Contract, but, as this is something of a singular case, we will forego that formality," D answered. "Care and feeding are uncomplicated--he will hunt on his own, given the opportunity, and see to his own grooming for the most part. Feed him as you would any dinner guest when he does not or cannot hunt, and occasional baths will be appreciated for their tactile value as much as for practical purposes. He is originally a creature of the ocean, after all."
"Of course." Hakkai nodded, curling the tip of Hakuryuu's tail between his fingers almost absently.
"There is little else you will need to know, then," D concluded. "Although..." His gaze swept appraisingly over Hakkai, intense enough to give the sense that he had seen straight through to the other's soul.
Gojyo shifted slightly closer beside Hakkai, not very subtly.
The Count ignored him. "Yes, actually, I believe that will work quite nicely," he murmured, as if to himself, and stretched up to kiss Hakkai swiftly but soundly on the mouth.
"Hey!" Gojyo bristled outright, but the Count had already stepped back an extra pace, placid smile still curving his lips.
"...Um." Hakkai blinked, and blinked again, free arm hovering protectively around Hakuryuu's half-folded wings; there was a cold thread of displeasure in his voice. "I beg your pardon, but--"
D lifted a hand, wrist flicking in a delicate motion meant to halt the question. "A dragon is a highly intelligent being, and will understand your words as well as I. He cannot speak your language, however, and so it is of course my duty to ensure that you are able to intuit what he means to say in return."
"And you had to kiss him to do it?" Gojyo's hackles were still up.
The Count beamed. "Much simpler than teaching Dragon to a vocal construction that cannot properly form its shapes and an ear that cannot detect the full range of its sounds--would you not agree?"
"...I guess." Gojyo still looked suspicious.
"Thank you for your consideration," Hakkai interjected, tone once again empty of anything but politeness. His hand ran over the dragon's back and all the way down; the tip of Hakuryuu's tail curled briefly about his fingers as they passed.
"Of course." D inclined his head in a tiny little bow. "And now I do apologize, but I expect a guest for tea quite shortly, so I must see you on your way."
"About time," Gojyo muttered, under his breath, but D ignored him and led the way back to the front of the shop.
"Care well for him, as I am assured that you will, and you will find him an invaluable companion," he said in parting, holding the door as Hakkai passed through.
"Oh, yes, I'm quite sure of that." Hakkai may as well have been speaking to the dragon purring against his chest for all that he looked at the Count.
Gojyo moved to follow, relief at being done with this errand plain in his face.
"It is unwise to dismiss a dragon at face value," D advised sotto voce as he passed.
Gojyo rounded abruptly in the doorway. "What?"
"Second chances come along infrequently at best, General. I would advise you not to squander this one."
"...Huh?"
"Oh, never mind." The Count beamed, and waved him on his way.
Gojyo opened his mouth, annoyance plain on his face, but the Count fixed him with those mismatched eyes and he promptly closed it again on whatever he'd meant to say. He cocked his head slightly and stared back at the Count, one eye narrowed halfway. "You sure we've never met?" he asked instead.
D gave his mysterious little smile. "Quite sure."
Gojyo shook his head, still not convinced. "I mean, your voice is so familiar--maybe we met in some really bad fic, in some seedy bar--"
"Most assuredly not."
"--and I might've tried to hit on you 'cause I was written so slopping drunk that I couldn't see past your...ahh--" his hand waved vaguely, encomapassing the Count's long nails and dark lips and traditionally-feminine clothing "--style...?"
Count D arched an eyebrow, lofty and bordering on disdainful. "Again, I assure you--this is our first meeting. And most probably our last. Good day, gentlemen." The door closed firmly in Gojyo's face.
A step or two up the stairwell, Hakkai conversed with his new companion, apparently oblivious to the exchange between D and Gojyo. "Well, then, Hakuryuu. It seems you and I are to get to know one another better. Although--" a hint of worry creased his brow "--I don't recall that anyone asked your opinion on the matter. I do hope you find this arrangement suitable?"
"Kyuu!" the little creature exclaimed, bobbing his head in an affirmative, with only the barest flick of an apprehensive glance in Gojyo's direction.
Hakkai's expression lifted. "Wonderful, then, and I'm glad to hear it! I'm quite looking forward to this, myself." He raised his arm in invitation; the dragon hopped lightly from his wrist to his shoulder and shook out his wings, settling. "Let's take you home, then, shall we?"
"Kyuu." Hakuryuu's head dipped to nuzzle Hakkai's earlobe before he straightened himself up, tail switching lightly down Hakkai's back.
Hakkai smiled and turned to start up the steps, then glanced back over his shoulder. "Gojyo?"
Gojyo was still standing before the pet shop door, blinking. He glanced at Hakuryuu, who twined himself behind Hakkai's neck and blinked innocently back, and shook his head as though to rid himself of the past several moments. "Weirdest. Fic. Ever," he muttered, still shaking his head as he moved to join his friend. "Yeah. Coming, Hakkai. Let's go home."
"Yes, let's!" Hakkai smiled brightly, and they returned to street level. Sunshine broke from behind fluffy white clouds high overhead as they set off walking once more, back the way they had come. Almost immediately, Gojyo started digging in his pockets as the scene brightened further and began to fade out.
"So are we done? That's it?" Gojyo's disembodied voice floated back clearly as the scene went completely white.
"I believe so, Gojyo."
"Great. Hold on one sec and lemme light up..." The sharp -snick- of a lighter sounded through the blankness, followed seconds later by a sigh of contentment. "Ahhhh. Much, much better. Now we can go."
===
In the sitting room of Count D's Pet Shop, the count was taking tea alone. There was a second place set opposite him, waiting; after a moment, white light beamed radiantly down from above. When the brightness cleared, a familiar figure decked in white silk and gold adornments sat on the couch across from him, left ankle crossed on hir right knee.
Kanzeon Bosatsu picked up the waiting teacup, peered into it, and arched one elegant eyebrow at its emptiness. "I'm not early, am I?"
"Not at all, Honorable One." D rose smoothly to fill the bodhisattva's cup as se held it out.
Kanzeon brought the cup to hir painted lips and sipped delicately, eyes closing for a moment while se savored the taste. "Mm. You really do serve the very best tea, my dear." Hir eyes opened, meeting D's over the gilded rim. "I see that everything went according to plan?"
"Indeed, yes, Lord Bosatsu." D made a shallow, gracious bow before re-seating himself. "The Honored Dragon King is now precisely where he needs to be, and all the players are ready for the curtain to rise."
"My thanks to you, Count. I was having the worst headache trying to figure out how to maneuver Goujun back into the plot."
D inclined his head, eyes modestly downcast. "It was my pleasure to be of service, most Merciful One."
"Tell me, though--" Kanzeon paused for a long sip of hir tea, a mischievous twinkle in hir eye "--did you really need to kiss Tenpou?"
The Count tittered, amusement crinkling his pretty face as he brought a hand to his lips politely. "Oh, goodness no, what a silly idea! That is entirely your realm of talent, Bosatsu-sama. I gave him a kiss and nothing more--he can intuit his dragon's voice quite well without any interference on my part, as I'm sure you already suspected." He recomposed himself, mouth settling in a superior smirk that would have made Gojyo quite nervous had he still been around to see it. "However. When the opportunity presents itself to prick the jealousies of one such as the good general, I fear that my ability--and in fact my desire--to resist are quite insufficient to the task!" He beamed into his teacup before sipping demurely.
"Oh, I so know what you mean!" Kanzeon grinned conspiratorially, then gestured at the pale pink cake set on the table between them. "I see the Sakura Medley is to your liking, then?" There was more than one slice missing already.
"Quite, thank you," the Count gushed, eyes sparkling, smile gone positively dreamy. "There's nothing quite like the essence of the ever-blooming sakura petals of Tenkai, harvested after they fall but before they touch the ground, to sweeten the most heavenly of desserts. It's been entirely too long since I've indulged in such a delicacy."
Kanzeon dimpled, leaning forward and reaching briefly across the table to give him a brotherly pat on the knee. "I knew you'd appreciate it." Se sat back and sipped at hir tea again, fixing the Count with hir dark stare as se lowered the cup.
"So. Rumour has it you've a new pet, Count."
As if on cue, a clattering racket sounded abruptly from the front of the shop; a moment later a blond man in a ponytail stumbled through the doorway to the sitting room, shaking loose the shop's lone resident totetsu from his ankle. "Jesus, D, for the billionth time--will you call off that freaky goat-thing? I swear to god it's trying to eat me and--whoa, hi there!" His gaze fixed abruptly on Kanzeon's chest.
"Detective!" D snapped, appalled and indignant as he rose swiftly to his feet.
"What?" The newcomer's eyes remained glued to the see-through gauze of Kanzeon's bodice as se sipped, utterly unfazed, at the last of hir tea.
"Can you not at least pretend to have a modicum of respect and good breeding??"
The detective waved him off, dismissive and unrepentant. "Hey, man, when a woman is confident enough to put herself out there like that, I'd be shirkin' my duty as a red-blooded American male not to look!" His eyes, with some effort, lifted to Kanzeon's face. "So, what's your name, Gorgeous?"
"Have you no idea who it is that you ogle so boorishly?!" D exclaimed, aghast.
"Why no, of course he hasn't," Kanzeon drawled, dark lips curving into a smile far more salacious than celestial. Se snapped hir fingers with a flash of white light and abruptly the blond froze, immobile and unaware as the bodhisattva rose languidly from the couch and sauntered around him appraisingly. One elegant eyebrow arched in D's direction. "This would be the new 'pet' of whom I was about to inquire?"
Count D sighed a long-suffering sigh. "Lord Kanzeon Bosatsu, Detective Leon Orcot. My sincerest apologies--he is an...entertaining companion, to be sure, but his manners often leave much to be desired."
Kanzeon dimpled. "Oh, I don't mind. He's such a cutie!" Se tapped one manicured finger against the end of the un-moving Leon's nose, addressing him lightly. "Though I daresay you'd get more than you bargained for, luv, were you favored enough to venture beneath my skirts." Se smiled again, a vaguely predatory smile this time, and tipped hir head to plant a brief kiss on Orcot's slack mouth. "Which I'm afraid you're not." Straightening up, se turned back to D. "Don't worry, Count--he won't even remember I was here."
"Of course." If D had any issue with the bodhisattva taking such liberties toward his 'pet', he gave no indication.
"Well, it seems you've got more than enough company to keep you entertained, so I'll be off!" Kanzeon planted hir fists on hir slouched hips and extended hir bottom lip, blowing upwards at the tendrils of hair that hung before hir eyes. "With everyone in place, it's high time this little show got on the road."
"Then I bid you safe journey." D gave that shallow, gracious bow again. "When next you find your fics stalled or your plotlines lackluster and uninspiring, you know where I may be found."
"Indeed I do." Kanzeon straightened up, eyes twinkling. "Thank you again, dear. You're a godsend, truly."
"Not at all. We do what we can for amusement, yes?" D matched the mischief in hir smile. "May all your careful plans enliven your days as you intend."
"Oh, I've no doubt of that. This will be quite the most fun I've had since we found that darling little monkey for Konzen!" Se winked, grinning; then, in another flash of white light, se disappeared.
===
Begun: Mid-summer-ish 2004.
Drafted: 4/30/08
Polished & Posted: 6/28/08
Brownie points if you get the lame Gojyo-finds-Count-D's-voice-so-familiar schtick. ^_^; Also, it should be noted that Pet Shop of Horrors, the delightful Count D and his menagerie (of which Leon is unquestionably a part whether he likes it or not ^_^) are the creative and intellectual property of Matsuri Akino and were borrowed without permission or intent to harm.
Title: The Odd Job
Author: TJ Dragonblade
Fandom: Saiyuki
Rated: 13+
Pairings: 585 implied but largely unspoken, stirrings of Hakuryuu/Hakkai (if one is actively looking for them); passing mention of 585 and 53
Warnings: Crossover, crack, scattered language, passing mention of yaoi and mpreg
Summary: Just how did Hakkai acquire custodianship of Hakuryuu?
Setting: A few months before Sanzo summons them on the journey to India
Notes: This is a cracked and campy notion that occurred to me shortly after I fell into Saiyuki in Spring 2004. It's been in progress a very long time; various portions of it have been lost and re-written on two separate occasions and I'm so glad to finally have it done. Crossovers must of course be handled very delicately; I realize that many folks dislike them on principle. *bows humbly* With that in mind, I've taken great pains to ensure that it stays in good taste, crack and all, and remains user-friendly to those unfamiliar with the crossed element. And no, I'm not saying what I crossed it with up front. Because it should work fairly well even if you only know Saiyuki, and *cough* life needs a little mystery every now and then.
=====
Birds were singing and the morning breeze was gentle as the sun shone down on one of the many forests in the Fandom of Saiyuki. Bright light filtered through the greenery, softening on the way down, sparkling against the lingering dew and dappling the path below in lacy shadow. In the midst of this sylvan loveliness stood Hakkai, patiently poring over a sheet of green paper in one hand with what looked like a smallish cake box tucked absently in the other. After several moments, Gojyo meandered into view and sauntered over.
"Alright, I'm here," he announced by way of greeting. "Let's get this fic star--" He broke off, frowning at the green paper in Hakkai's hands, and planted his hands on his hips. "And how come there's only one copy of the outline?"
Hakkai looked up, the customary little smile settling on his mouth. "Well, really, Gojyo--as we're in this together, what would we need with two?"
"How'm I supposed to know what comes next if the fic separates us?"
"Ah. Well, as this is only a quarter of the outline anyway, I doubt very much that it would be of help to you in such a case."
Gojyo deflated a little, resignation in the slump of his shoulders. "So they lost the rest of it? Again?"
"I'm afraid so."
"Ehh." Gojyo shrugged, and gave a heavy sigh. "Suppose we should be used to that, by now."
"Indeed." Hakkai's smile brightened from There's-Unfotunately-No-Help-For-It to Moving-On-to-the-Next-Order-of-Business. "Well, then. Shall we get things underway?"
"Hold on, hold on--" Gojyo dug about in his pockets, producing his lighter and a rather battered pack of cigarettes. "Just gimme a sec--"
Hakkai touched his shoulder. "I'm afraid we're already rather behind schedule as it is, Gojyo," he said softly. "Also, I'm terribly sorry but this is labeled a non-smoking fic..."
Gojyo paused, cigarette dangling between his lips, thumb poised on the lighter. "You gotta be shittin' me."
Hakkai smiled his most apologetic smile and quietly pointed out the unmistakable 'No Smoking' icon at the upper-left corner of his outline. "I'm afraid not, Gojyo. Again, I'm quite sorry..."
"What the hell, Hakkai--you signed us up for a non-smoking fic??" Gojyo exclaimed, flipping the lighter closed with visible irritation and jerking the cigarette from his mouth.
Hakkai's smile remained contrite. "It was the least offensive plotline among the available choices this morning," he offered in explanation. "And it does pay rather well." The smile became unsettlingly sweet. "Unless, of course, you would have preferred any of the five Mary-Sues or the deathfic?"
"Ahh, dammit," Gojyo huffed, by way of accepting defeat. He slid the unlit cigarette back in amongst its fellows and shoved pack and lighter back into his pockets. "Fine. No smoking."
"If it's any comfort, Gojyo, I am told that the fic is not too terribly long. The sooner we begin, the sooner we will wrap the final scene--"
"--and the sooner I can have my cigarette. Right."
"Precisely!" Hakkai dimpled and started walking down the path.
Still grumbling, Gojyo stuffed his hands in his pockets and fell into step beside him as they passed out of the Fandom of Saiyuki and crossed into some other with giant mechs tromping about in the background. "So do we have sex in this fic?" he asked, clearly grasping for a silver lining.
"Ahh..." Hakkai scanned over the paper and shook his head slightly. "I don't think so, given the rating, but it's difficult to say for certain. As I said, they lost most of the outline; what I have here guides us only as far as finding a pet shop."
"Pet...a what, now?" Gojyo stopped dead in his tracks. "Okay. Time out." He bounced one hand perpendicular above the other in a classic 'time-out' gesture, a reflexive physical echo of his words. "Now you know I'm willin' to try all kindsa kinky shit in the name of entertaining the readers, but...bestiality? Come on!"
Hakkai stopped walking so as not to leave his friend behind. "Actually, I'm quite sure that zoophilia is a far more likely option for either of us, given character and personality, not that every writer would make distinction between the two..." He trailed off at Gojyo's incredulous stare, and flashed a sheepish smile. "Ahaha! However." He peered closely at the outline again, adjusting his monocle absently. "As I said--it's rated rather mildly, Gojyo, and there aren't any squick warnings. I don't believe you have anything to worry about."
Gojyo's posture loosened slightly in visible relief. "Oh. Good. Sex is such a popular subject with these fic writers," he muttered. "Not that I'd usually complain, but some of the crap they come up with--" He shuddered.
Hakkai acquired a sympathetic expression. "Can I assume your last fic involved--" his brow creased slightly as he searched for the word "--'mpreg'?"
Gojyo nodded, hands shoved deep in his pockets. "Never mind that half-breeds tend to be shootin' blanks--Sanzo was having my baby. It was damned freaky, I tell you." He shuddered again, violently.
"...Oh, my, yes," Hakkai agreed, straight-faced. "I'm sure it must have been terribly disconcerting. It's not as though Sanzo is normally prone to mood swings or odd tastes in food, after all..."
"...Er...well, still." Gojyo folded his arms. "I don't ever wanna go through that again."
"I would imagine not." Hakkai shook his head and resumed walking, passing out of the mecha setting.
Gojyo moved to follow, changing the subject as they made their way into a Fandom where young ninjas with metal-plated headbands were leaping about in the foliage overhead. "So...what's in the box, anyway?"
"I'm not entirely sure," Hakkai admitted, handing it over and stepping neatly aside as one unfortunate ninja-in-training fell out of the trees in a flurry of displaced leaves.
Gojyo squinted at the elaborate gold-foil markings on the label. "...'Sakura Medley'." He frowned at the smaller characters below. "...'Exotic Dessert Which Defies Desecra--' no, 'Description'..." He blinked. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"...Perhaps someone at the bakery has an inscrutable sense of humor?"
Gojyo rolled his eyes. "Thanks bunches, Hakkai--that's real helpful."
Hakkai laughed a sheepish little laugh, rubbing lightly at the back of his head. "I do apologize, Gojyo, but I really wasn't given much information. They handed me the box, offered several disappointingly unoriginal excuses for losing three-quarters of the outline, and left me to wait for you."
Gojyo heaved a sigh. "There has got to be a better way to pay the bills than doin' fanfics or running errands for His Pissiness," he groaned, ducking a flying kunai that had gotten away from its owner. "Damn, I miss the gambling days!"
"Ahh, but no one in town will bet against us anymore, you and I." Hakkai smiled brightly. "I'm afraid that our reputation has been our undoing!"
Gojyo waved dismissively. "Ehh, they'll forget sooner or later, we stay off the scene for awhile. Don't you worry."
Hakkai just smiled his agreement as they emerged from the forest, crossed into yet another Fandom and stopped on a crowded street that ran through a big-city Chinatown. He glanced down at the outline again, then lifted his head to scan the myriad signs lining shop-fronts and doorways.
"Ahh!" He pointed Gojyo's attention to an ornate doorway a block or so down. "I believe that we've reached our destination, Gojyo."
His companion squinted at the name on the distant sign. "'Count D'?"
"Yes." Hakkai folded the now-useless outline page and slipped it into the rear pocket of his trousers. "Come, let's see what this is all about, shall we?"
The doorway opened onto a short stairwell when they reached it; the steps led them down to an interior door. It opened of its own accord to admit them; beyond, it was quite dim compared to the brightness of the street outside and they both stood blinking just over the threshold, letting their eyes adjust.
The interior of the shop was larger somehow than the facade outside would indicate, and it had the look of a cozy antiques showroom more than anything else. Ornate furniture and heavy drapes fleshed out the room, the odd cage tucked here and there among the shadows the only sign that this was perhaps the pet shop they'd expected after all. The air was close and warm to breathe, hinting at incense burning somewhere in another room.
Gojyo and Hakkai took it in and glanced back at each other, uncertain quite how to proceed in the absence of any store proprieter.
"Welcome to Count D's Pet Shop, where we deal in love, hope, dreams, and your heart's desire..."
The low voice startled them both and they whirled, alarmed that they had not heard anyone approach. A slender figure in an elegant and elaborate cheongsam moved gracefully out of the shadows, and while it was genuinely difficult to tell one way or the other, some vague indefinable aura about the person whispered male. Dark hair fell just past the level of his chin and shaped itself elegantly around his strikingly effeminate face. Mismatched eyes, the right golden yellow much like Goku's and the left a violet more blue than Sanzo's but no less remarkable, regarded them coolly.
The man bowed graciously, one hand held delicately over the vicinity of his heart, his smile almost demure. "My apologies--I did not mean to startle you," he offered, though the muted gleam in his eyes might have implied otherwise. "As I said--welcome."
"Good day," Hakkai offered politely in return, manners quickly asserting precedence over surprise.
"So you'd be Count D, then?" Gojyo asked, not quite able to stop staring. The man had long nails, polished and elegantly rounded, and the color in his lips couldn't possibly be natural.
Those lips smiled again, the same understated deferential politeness. "For the sake of simplicity you may call me that, yes, although the title is truly my grandfather's. I am merely keeper of this shop in his absence."
Gojyo's brow wrinkled in contemplation. "Have we met somewhere?" he asked, impulsively. "Somethin' about you is weirdly familiar...like I've heard your voice before, I don't know..."
"I do not think so," the Count answered, almost too smoothly. "I am quite sure that I would remember such a..." and his eyes flitted briefly to the red of Gojyo's hair "...striking individual."
"...Huh." Gojyo didn't look entirely convinced, but neither did he look inclined to pursue the issue.
The Count's smile never wavered. "Now then. What brings the two of you to my humble shop on such a pleasant morning?"
"We're doin' a fanfic," Gojyo answered.
"Our outline directed us here," Hakkai elaborated, "but I'm afraid the subsequent pages were never received and we're not entirely certain what it is we were supposed to do once we arrived."
Count D's smile brightened and he clapped his hands together lightly. "Ah--then it is as I thought! You are indeed the young men to whom I sell the dragon!"
Hakkai blinked, intrigued curiosity flashing across his features. "...Dragon?"
"...Sell?" Gojyo leaned over to Hakkai, murmuring out the side of his mouth. "How're we s'posed to buy anything when we don't get paid for this fic 'til it's done?"
Hakkai shook his head and addressed Count D. "I'm afraid there must be some mistake; neither of us has any sort of currency--"
The Count drummed his steepled fingers together airily, long nails clicking lightly. "Not in the usual sense, perhaps; however--" His eyes fixed on the package in Gojyo's hand with a look of anticipation . "Might I ask what that box holds?"
"...This?" Gojyo lifted the box. "Some sort of sakura something-or-other?"
D's face lit up; he took a step toward Gojyo, reaching excitedly with hands that almost trembled. "If I may, please?"
Gojyo glanced sideways at Hakkai, who returned his glance with a look of utter mystification. "Yeah. Sure. Don't see why not--" He handed the box to D.
The Count unfolded the top of the container with enthusiastic care and peered inside. "Oh--!" His eyes closed and he inhaled delicately, the expression on his face somewhere between childish delight and impending orgasm. "Oh, se has outdone hirself..."
"Must be some damned fine dessert," Gojyo murmured, aside to Hakkai.
Hakkai just shook his head slightly, as mystified as his companion.
D opened his eyes. "This will be more than sufficient payment, I think." He closed the box, quickly re-composing himself. "Now." He straightened up and motioned toward the large door at the back of the room, inclining his head slightly in invitation. "If you will both follow me...?"
The look of the hall beyond was in keeping with the main room of the shop; it was dim and wide and surely much longer than it ought to be for the size of the building in which it was housed. Hakkai and Gojyo shadowed Count D down the low corridor until he stopped and opened a door that looked identical to any of the dozens they'd passed. "This way, please," he directed, stepping aside and holding the door.
The two exchanged a glance. "Right," Gojyo muttered, squaring his shoulders, and followed Hakkai into the dark room.
The incense hit them first, heady and powerful; Gojyo's nose wrinkled and Hakkai muffled a delicate sneeze. They blinked, peering into the dimness, eyes slowly adjusting.
There was a figure before them, difficult to discern in the lack of light but pale and regal and man-shaped, eyes burning golden-red and dark in the white of its face, horns and the tips of pointed ears poking out from the thick tumble of its hair. It tilted its head at them in an inquisitive manner, one hand lifting, and Hakkai drew in a sharp breath.
The overhead chandelier came on abruptly, blinding both of them.
"Shit!" Gojyo cursed, clapping a hand over his eyes.
"Oh, dear. I do apologize," Count D murmured contritely, perhaps overly so, and dimmed the lights back down until the room took on a sort of candlelit effect.
"It's quite alright--" Hakkai began, blinking as his sight readjusted. "--Oh." His eyes widened.
Before them, what had in the dark appeared to be a man turned out to be a tall gilded perch occupied by a small white dragon roughly the size of a large parrot.
"Oh," Hakkai breathed again, reaching a hand up toward the dragon, who scented it curiously if somewhat cautiously. "Oh, my, how perfectly...oh." His head tilted and a delighted smile curved his lips as the dragon suddenly ducked under his hand and pressed up against it with a little trill of encouragement. He stroked carefully down the back of the serpentine neck, toyed briefly with the mane between the creature's wings before returning to its head.
"Kyuu," the dragon cheeped, and its tongue flicked out to curl against his wrist in a delicate lick.
"Why, hello," Hakkai murmured, one fingertip touching softly between the little white horns. "Have you a name, my friend?"
"You may call him Hakuryuu," Count D offered.
"Hakuryuu," Hakkai repeated, thoroughly enamoured, the backs of two fingers stroking down the dragon's belly. The end of the long white tail curled lightly around his wrist and the dragon purred, red eyes slitting closed.
"Hakuryuu?" Gojyo snorted. "Hell of a name, there, Count."
The saccharine innocence in D's smile never wavered. "Why, my dear young man, whatever do you mean?"
"His name is 'white dragon'?" Gojyo scoffed. "Gee, that's imaginative."
"But that is, after all, his name." D pressed a long-nailed finger to his lower lip and developed an absently-pensive look. "Of course, we could call him Jeep, I suppose, as was originally intended..." He shook his head abruptly and waved both hands dismissively. "Oh, no, but then, we would be dancing with messy branding and trademark issues, and I don't think anyone in this fic wants that."
Gojyo was incredulous. "...Jeep?"
"Why, yes." D smiled matter-of-factly. "When you reach your native fandom once again, I daresay you will find that he has certain abilities that are most...interesting; abilities that would draw quite a lot more attention than you might like if employed here."
"...And what, a pint-sized white dragon won't?"
The Count just smiled his little smile, hands tucked together in his sleeves, eyes gleaming unnaturally.
Gojyo shook his head, resigned. "Okay. Fine. Whatever." He stepped over and nudged Hakkai. "We about done here, then, you think?"
Hakkai, who by now had the dragon on his arm and was studying him eye-to-eye, glanced briefly toward him. "Nearly so, Gojyo--" He cut himself off with a delighted little laugh as the creature nipped curiously at his bangs, flicked his tongue along the rim of the monocle. "My, you're not at all bashful, are you, Hakuryuu?"
"Kyuu," the dragon demurred, neck twisting in a graceful arc as he swung his head around the side of Hakkai's face to nose tentatively at the limiters.
Gently, Hakkai diverted his investigative questing. "Ahh, now, I'd rather you leave those alone, if you don't mind."
"Kyuu?" The sinuous neck curved back, and there was a soft note of disappointment in the inquiring chirp.
Gojyo reached to settle a hand lightly on the dragon's head, ruffling the fine mane between the horns, a variation of a gesture not uncommonly used on Goku. "No one gets to touch the limiters, Haku-chan. Don't feel bad."
"Kyuu!" The dragon twisted out from beneath Gojyo's hand and drew back, a distinctly affronted expression on his face.
"I should mention, perhaps, that he has rather a bit too much pride to take kindly to such diminutive nicknames," Count D interjected helpfully, smiling brightly, one finger raised in a strikingly Hakkai-like gesture.
Gojyo arched a skeptical eyebrow. "Too much what, now? This lizard with wings?"
The dragon hissed, tail curling whip-like, the mane all along his spine rising just a little as he unfurled his wings and leaned toward Gojyo.
Gojyo took a small involuntary step backwards.
"What Gojyo means to say is 'I apologize', Hakuryuu," Hakkai intervened, not wincing even as sharp white talons flexed tightly about his arm. His eyes lifted to bore into Gojyo's, the steel in his gaze brooking no argument.
"Uh. Yeah," Gojyo muttered, his expression unsettled. The dragon may have been tiny, but it was rather intimidating all the same.
Hakuryuu snorted, eyeing him with clear distrust.
"I mean it. For real. Do my best to not insult you on purpose," he promised, both hands up placatingly. "I swear."
"Please don't be put off by unfavorable first impressions, either of you," Hakkai said, stroking the back of one finger down the dragon's belly, soothing. "Gojyo may occasionally speak without thinking, but he is a very good and forthright man and I am sure that the two of you will get along wonderfully, if you both try." The tone of his voice, however polite, made it clear that it was not so much a request as a statement of How Things Are Going To Be.
"...Kyuu." The dragon tossed his head, the stare he directed at Gojyo both wary and considering.
Gojyo flashed his most charming grin, and it only looked a little bit forced. "For Hakkai, yeah? You seem pretty stuck on him already..."
The dragon puffed out what could only be described as a long-suffering sigh and settled back, wings tucked in close to his body once more.
"The things I do for you," Gojyo muttered to Hakkai sotto voce, still holding the grin. "Apologizing to a lizard..."
Hakkai beamed. "Ahaha yes, but we'll all be much happier this way," he assured, fingertips running down the back of Hakuryuu's neck as he brought the dragon in close to his body once more.
"Kyuu," Hakuryuu cooed, moving in to nuzzle at Hakkai's chin in agreement, a smug sort of triumph in the glance he threw at Gojyo.
Gojyo held onto his grin with gritted teeth and said nothing.
Hakkai smiled, eyes lifting briefly to the Count again. "Are there any other particulars of which I ought to be aware?"
"Ordinarily there would be the matter of the Contract, but, as this is something of a singular case, we will forego that formality," D answered. "Care and feeding are uncomplicated--he will hunt on his own, given the opportunity, and see to his own grooming for the most part. Feed him as you would any dinner guest when he does not or cannot hunt, and occasional baths will be appreciated for their tactile value as much as for practical purposes. He is originally a creature of the ocean, after all."
"Of course." Hakkai nodded, curling the tip of Hakuryuu's tail between his fingers almost absently.
"There is little else you will need to know, then," D concluded. "Although..." His gaze swept appraisingly over Hakkai, intense enough to give the sense that he had seen straight through to the other's soul.
Gojyo shifted slightly closer beside Hakkai, not very subtly.
The Count ignored him. "Yes, actually, I believe that will work quite nicely," he murmured, as if to himself, and stretched up to kiss Hakkai swiftly but soundly on the mouth.
"Hey!" Gojyo bristled outright, but the Count had already stepped back an extra pace, placid smile still curving his lips.
"...Um." Hakkai blinked, and blinked again, free arm hovering protectively around Hakuryuu's half-folded wings; there was a cold thread of displeasure in his voice. "I beg your pardon, but--"
D lifted a hand, wrist flicking in a delicate motion meant to halt the question. "A dragon is a highly intelligent being, and will understand your words as well as I. He cannot speak your language, however, and so it is of course my duty to ensure that you are able to intuit what he means to say in return."
"And you had to kiss him to do it?" Gojyo's hackles were still up.
The Count beamed. "Much simpler than teaching Dragon to a vocal construction that cannot properly form its shapes and an ear that cannot detect the full range of its sounds--would you not agree?"
"...I guess." Gojyo still looked suspicious.
"Thank you for your consideration," Hakkai interjected, tone once again empty of anything but politeness. His hand ran over the dragon's back and all the way down; the tip of Hakuryuu's tail curled briefly about his fingers as they passed.
"Of course." D inclined his head in a tiny little bow. "And now I do apologize, but I expect a guest for tea quite shortly, so I must see you on your way."
"About time," Gojyo muttered, under his breath, but D ignored him and led the way back to the front of the shop.
"Care well for him, as I am assured that you will, and you will find him an invaluable companion," he said in parting, holding the door as Hakkai passed through.
"Oh, yes, I'm quite sure of that." Hakkai may as well have been speaking to the dragon purring against his chest for all that he looked at the Count.
Gojyo moved to follow, relief at being done with this errand plain in his face.
"It is unwise to dismiss a dragon at face value," D advised sotto voce as he passed.
Gojyo rounded abruptly in the doorway. "What?"
"Second chances come along infrequently at best, General. I would advise you not to squander this one."
"...Huh?"
"Oh, never mind." The Count beamed, and waved him on his way.
Gojyo opened his mouth, annoyance plain on his face, but the Count fixed him with those mismatched eyes and he promptly closed it again on whatever he'd meant to say. He cocked his head slightly and stared back at the Count, one eye narrowed halfway. "You sure we've never met?" he asked instead.
D gave his mysterious little smile. "Quite sure."
Gojyo shook his head, still not convinced. "I mean, your voice is so familiar--maybe we met in some really bad fic, in some seedy bar--"
"Most assuredly not."
"--and I might've tried to hit on you 'cause I was written so slopping drunk that I couldn't see past your...ahh--" his hand waved vaguely, encomapassing the Count's long nails and dark lips and traditionally-feminine clothing "--style...?"
Count D arched an eyebrow, lofty and bordering on disdainful. "Again, I assure you--this is our first meeting. And most probably our last. Good day, gentlemen." The door closed firmly in Gojyo's face.
A step or two up the stairwell, Hakkai conversed with his new companion, apparently oblivious to the exchange between D and Gojyo. "Well, then, Hakuryuu. It seems you and I are to get to know one another better. Although--" a hint of worry creased his brow "--I don't recall that anyone asked your opinion on the matter. I do hope you find this arrangement suitable?"
"Kyuu!" the little creature exclaimed, bobbing his head in an affirmative, with only the barest flick of an apprehensive glance in Gojyo's direction.
Hakkai's expression lifted. "Wonderful, then, and I'm glad to hear it! I'm quite looking forward to this, myself." He raised his arm in invitation; the dragon hopped lightly from his wrist to his shoulder and shook out his wings, settling. "Let's take you home, then, shall we?"
"Kyuu." Hakuryuu's head dipped to nuzzle Hakkai's earlobe before he straightened himself up, tail switching lightly down Hakkai's back.
Hakkai smiled and turned to start up the steps, then glanced back over his shoulder. "Gojyo?"
Gojyo was still standing before the pet shop door, blinking. He glanced at Hakuryuu, who twined himself behind Hakkai's neck and blinked innocently back, and shook his head as though to rid himself of the past several moments. "Weirdest. Fic. Ever," he muttered, still shaking his head as he moved to join his friend. "Yeah. Coming, Hakkai. Let's go home."
"Yes, let's!" Hakkai smiled brightly, and they returned to street level. Sunshine broke from behind fluffy white clouds high overhead as they set off walking once more, back the way they had come. Almost immediately, Gojyo started digging in his pockets as the scene brightened further and began to fade out.
"So are we done? That's it?" Gojyo's disembodied voice floated back clearly as the scene went completely white.
"I believe so, Gojyo."
"Great. Hold on one sec and lemme light up..." The sharp -snick- of a lighter sounded through the blankness, followed seconds later by a sigh of contentment. "Ahhhh. Much, much better. Now we can go."
===
In the sitting room of Count D's Pet Shop, the count was taking tea alone. There was a second place set opposite him, waiting; after a moment, white light beamed radiantly down from above. When the brightness cleared, a familiar figure decked in white silk and gold adornments sat on the couch across from him, left ankle crossed on hir right knee.
Kanzeon Bosatsu picked up the waiting teacup, peered into it, and arched one elegant eyebrow at its emptiness. "I'm not early, am I?"
"Not at all, Honorable One." D rose smoothly to fill the bodhisattva's cup as se held it out.
Kanzeon brought the cup to hir painted lips and sipped delicately, eyes closing for a moment while se savored the taste. "Mm. You really do serve the very best tea, my dear." Hir eyes opened, meeting D's over the gilded rim. "I see that everything went according to plan?"
"Indeed, yes, Lord Bosatsu." D made a shallow, gracious bow before re-seating himself. "The Honored Dragon King is now precisely where he needs to be, and all the players are ready for the curtain to rise."
"My thanks to you, Count. I was having the worst headache trying to figure out how to maneuver Goujun back into the plot."
D inclined his head, eyes modestly downcast. "It was my pleasure to be of service, most Merciful One."
"Tell me, though--" Kanzeon paused for a long sip of hir tea, a mischievous twinkle in hir eye "--did you really need to kiss Tenpou?"
The Count tittered, amusement crinkling his pretty face as he brought a hand to his lips politely. "Oh, goodness no, what a silly idea! That is entirely your realm of talent, Bosatsu-sama. I gave him a kiss and nothing more--he can intuit his dragon's voice quite well without any interference on my part, as I'm sure you already suspected." He recomposed himself, mouth settling in a superior smirk that would have made Gojyo quite nervous had he still been around to see it. "However. When the opportunity presents itself to prick the jealousies of one such as the good general, I fear that my ability--and in fact my desire--to resist are quite insufficient to the task!" He beamed into his teacup before sipping demurely.
"Oh, I so know what you mean!" Kanzeon grinned conspiratorially, then gestured at the pale pink cake set on the table between them. "I see the Sakura Medley is to your liking, then?" There was more than one slice missing already.
"Quite, thank you," the Count gushed, eyes sparkling, smile gone positively dreamy. "There's nothing quite like the essence of the ever-blooming sakura petals of Tenkai, harvested after they fall but before they touch the ground, to sweeten the most heavenly of desserts. It's been entirely too long since I've indulged in such a delicacy."
Kanzeon dimpled, leaning forward and reaching briefly across the table to give him a brotherly pat on the knee. "I knew you'd appreciate it." Se sat back and sipped at hir tea again, fixing the Count with hir dark stare as se lowered the cup.
"So. Rumour has it you've a new pet, Count."
As if on cue, a clattering racket sounded abruptly from the front of the shop; a moment later a blond man in a ponytail stumbled through the doorway to the sitting room, shaking loose the shop's lone resident totetsu from his ankle. "Jesus, D, for the billionth time--will you call off that freaky goat-thing? I swear to god it's trying to eat me and--whoa, hi there!" His gaze fixed abruptly on Kanzeon's chest.
"Detective!" D snapped, appalled and indignant as he rose swiftly to his feet.
"What?" The newcomer's eyes remained glued to the see-through gauze of Kanzeon's bodice as se sipped, utterly unfazed, at the last of hir tea.
"Can you not at least pretend to have a modicum of respect and good breeding??"
The detective waved him off, dismissive and unrepentant. "Hey, man, when a woman is confident enough to put herself out there like that, I'd be shirkin' my duty as a red-blooded American male not to look!" His eyes, with some effort, lifted to Kanzeon's face. "So, what's your name, Gorgeous?"
"Have you no idea who it is that you ogle so boorishly?!" D exclaimed, aghast.
"Why no, of course he hasn't," Kanzeon drawled, dark lips curving into a smile far more salacious than celestial. Se snapped hir fingers with a flash of white light and abruptly the blond froze, immobile and unaware as the bodhisattva rose languidly from the couch and sauntered around him appraisingly. One elegant eyebrow arched in D's direction. "This would be the new 'pet' of whom I was about to inquire?"
Count D sighed a long-suffering sigh. "Lord Kanzeon Bosatsu, Detective Leon Orcot. My sincerest apologies--he is an...entertaining companion, to be sure, but his manners often leave much to be desired."
Kanzeon dimpled. "Oh, I don't mind. He's such a cutie!" Se tapped one manicured finger against the end of the un-moving Leon's nose, addressing him lightly. "Though I daresay you'd get more than you bargained for, luv, were you favored enough to venture beneath my skirts." Se smiled again, a vaguely predatory smile this time, and tipped hir head to plant a brief kiss on Orcot's slack mouth. "Which I'm afraid you're not." Straightening up, se turned back to D. "Don't worry, Count--he won't even remember I was here."
"Of course." If D had any issue with the bodhisattva taking such liberties toward his 'pet', he gave no indication.
"Well, it seems you've got more than enough company to keep you entertained, so I'll be off!" Kanzeon planted hir fists on hir slouched hips and extended hir bottom lip, blowing upwards at the tendrils of hair that hung before hir eyes. "With everyone in place, it's high time this little show got on the road."
"Then I bid you safe journey." D gave that shallow, gracious bow again. "When next you find your fics stalled or your plotlines lackluster and uninspiring, you know where I may be found."
"Indeed I do." Kanzeon straightened up, eyes twinkling. "Thank you again, dear. You're a godsend, truly."
"Not at all. We do what we can for amusement, yes?" D matched the mischief in hir smile. "May all your careful plans enliven your days as you intend."
"Oh, I've no doubt of that. This will be quite the most fun I've had since we found that darling little monkey for Konzen!" Se winked, grinning; then, in another flash of white light, se disappeared.
===
Begun: Mid-summer-ish 2004.
Drafted: 4/30/08
Polished & Posted: 6/28/08
Brownie points if you get the lame Gojyo-finds-Count-D's-voice-so-familiar schtick. ^_^; Also, it should be noted that Pet Shop of Horrors, the delightful Count D and his menagerie (of which Leon is unquestionably a part whether he likes it or not ^_^) are the creative and intellectual property of Matsuri Akino and were borrowed without permission or intent to harm.
