'If Your Majesty would care to give his thoughts on the matter...?'
Yes, yes, that's precisely the tone I'm trying to achieve! A third-person respectful reference as opposed to bluntly saying 'you' or 'your' (neither of them is using the other's name, at this point; it implies a level of casual familiarity that they really don't have). I'm finding, though, that when I try to apply this respectful-address form to the entire conversation, it comes off feeling simpering and pretentious somehow. Which could easily be the fault of the writing it's set in, more than anything else. Perhaps the rest of the dialogue and staging needs more tweaking, too. Hm. Maybe adjusting so that there's more...more passive/neutral speech or whatever it's properly called. Less opportunity for a 'you' or a 'your majesty' to occur ('I wanted to offer my gratitude' rather than 'I wanted to thank you'). I'll have to keep poking at this damned thing analytically until it either works or dies. Been in progress since December of '04. Not like it's going anywhere. -_-
I also stumble over the fact that 'Majesty', for me, conjures mental-associations of European royalty and Elizabethan costume, but I suppose that's a relatively narrow perception and I can pry my mind open enough to work around it without too much trouble. 'Excellency' might bear playing-around-with, too. And I suppose that one would address a king as Majesty whether or not one was subject to that king's rule or authority (i.e., Goujun is not Kou's sovereign nor his ranking officer, but Kou would offer him that respect regardless just because it's proper etiquette/good manners - would you agree?).
but it would depend on the context of the exchange
Friendly moving to intimately-more-than-friendly, in this case. For what it's worth. Which is causing me problems in trying to ascertain at what point in the proceedings the formality would ease. Perhaps it wouldn't. That could almost be more fun, to take them through the entire act without ever letting up on the stiff etiquette. Hm.
Because really...they wouldn't. They wouldn't drop the formality, given their respective breeding and station and given that they're mostly strangers. But then again they really wouldn't just 'hook up' in the first place, for all those same reasons. *headdesk*
The whole issue I find with trying to write a casual Goujun/Kou encounter is that I keep trying to make it make sense, when it isn't inclined to. Casual off-the-cuff sex - particularly with one another - is not really in character for either of them. That's probably what's at the root of all the 'little' issues I keep running up against. There's a stubborn streak somewhere in me, though, that just won't let the notion go, despite it all. *sigh* I'm bound and determined to make it work, whether it wants to or not. [insert aggressive brandishing of pen and keyboard here]
Heh. Got a little rambly, there. Mostly venting. My apologies. ^_^; But your input is appreciated. ^_^
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2007-07-28 04:38 am (UTC)Yes, yes, that's precisely the tone I'm trying to achieve! A third-person respectful reference as opposed to bluntly saying 'you' or 'your' (neither of them is using the other's name, at this point; it implies a level of casual familiarity that they really don't have). I'm finding, though, that when I try to apply this respectful-address form to the entire conversation, it comes off feeling simpering and pretentious somehow. Which could easily be the fault of the writing it's set in, more than anything else. Perhaps the rest of the dialogue and staging needs more tweaking, too. Hm. Maybe adjusting so that there's more...more passive/neutral speech or whatever it's properly called. Less opportunity for a 'you' or a 'your majesty' to occur ('I wanted to offer my gratitude' rather than 'I wanted to thank you'). I'll have to keep poking at this damned thing analytically until it either works or dies. Been in progress since December of '04. Not like it's going anywhere. -_-
I also stumble over the fact that 'Majesty', for me, conjures mental-associations of European royalty and Elizabethan costume, but I suppose that's a relatively narrow perception and I can pry my mind open enough to work around it without too much trouble. 'Excellency' might bear playing-around-with, too. And I suppose that one would address a king as Majesty whether or not one was subject to that king's rule or authority (i.e., Goujun is not Kou's sovereign nor his ranking officer, but Kou would offer him that respect regardless just because it's proper etiquette/good manners - would you agree?).
but it would depend on the context of the exchange
Friendly moving to intimately-more-than-friendly, in this case. For what it's worth. Which is causing me problems in trying to ascertain at what point in the proceedings the formality would ease. Perhaps it wouldn't. That could almost be more fun, to take them through the entire act without ever letting up on the stiff etiquette. Hm.
Because really...they wouldn't. They wouldn't drop the formality, given their respective breeding and station and given that they're mostly strangers. But then again they really wouldn't just 'hook up' in the first place, for all those same reasons. *headdesk*
The whole issue I find with trying to write a casual Goujun/Kou encounter is that I keep trying to make it make sense, when it isn't inclined to. Casual off-the-cuff sex - particularly with one another - is not really in character for either of them. That's probably what's at the root of all the 'little' issues I keep running up against. There's a stubborn streak somewhere in me, though, that just won't let the notion go, despite it all. *sigh* I'm bound and determined to make it work, whether it wants to or not. [insert aggressive brandishing of pen and keyboard here]
Heh. Got a little rambly, there. Mostly venting. My apologies. ^_^; But your input is appreciated. ^_^